Feeling Old in Ikea

I felt old today..... yes I know I am old, the flush of youth and middle age has passed by, but despite minor considerations,  I never considered my self an old person who needs help until..........the visit to Ikea.

Now I have along with many others used Ikea's since its early days in the UK, even travelling to the first store at Warrington and I like the Swedish design and the good prices, but less so the instructions on furniture.......but we won't go there this time.

This time I only wanted two shower rubber mats, maybe that was the first sign, I felt the need for some solid material under my feet........but we, well I, digress. Parking, walking across to the Store, I decided that shower mats would be in the bathroom section ............ah you guessed they were nowhere to be seen. A bit of a wander around failed to locate the elusive articles, so I had to eventually ask an assistant. The directions took me back to the children's section, clearly my mind and/or vision were also sub optimal. I could not see any bright blue mats, ......then I had a brainwave, I would go to the warehouse area, they often have piles of stuff there, and as this was at a special price for Ikea Family customers .......I limped along hopefully.

I checked the computer for the said article and lo it came up with a location which read "Ikea Family" not the usual aisle 24 G8 type location.

Regular readers may know about my knee and the thought of a trek back was not attractive.......but wait I still had no ideas where the Ikea Family section was located. So to another assistant. Leaning convincingly on my stick I asked for help. She was charming and helpful, telephoning to check they were in stock, seeking to get someone to bring them back to me, and having failed went to fetch them herself, whilst I found a convenient chair to rest on.

So a happy ending and an example of great service, but why then did it feel that I was now in the "old and infirm who need help with their shopping" category...............and that did make me feel old, I suspect that reducing independence and need to compromise on what you do, or having to ask for help, is what really makes the reality real.

The mind is willing, the flesh is weak.

CHOCOLATE AND BREAD

Who doesn’t like these two things ? Well I was actually surprised when talking to a friend, I was explaining that I was going to France for some Beaujolais Noveau and other stuff and I said that I was going for trip over the Border into Belgium for some chocolates, to which he revealed the fact that he never eats chocolate.........I had not ever imagined that anyone was immune to the lure of fine chocolate.

I am probably verging on being a chocoholic, I suspect it goes back to my slightly deprived childhood and the post war period when chocolate was expensive and not available as easily as today.

Anyone who has read the book or seen the film ‘chocolat’ will be aware that this is based on the premise that good chocolate is an art but also has the ingredients to fix many human conditions. By the way the book is much better than the film, but I digress, there is certainly a ‘buzz’ from eating the stuff and I admit to eating chocolate when bored, tired, upset, anxious etc.

However whilst all chocolate is welcome, except perhaps bars of white chocolate, Uggh, a Kit Kat or a Cadburys flake is pleasant.......ever noticed how shape changes something, thus a finger of Kit Kat is different to chunky ones, a Twirl and a Flake are essentially similar but different folds, an Aero has different bubble sizes to a Wispa.......and it really does effect the taste.............but there is a quantum leap when you start sampling  individually made  chocolates. In this country Thornton's do a passable confection,  go to an outlet store or otherwise seek out the mishapes, often half price,..............but still they pales into insignificance against ones from Belgium.

I probably spent too much, ..... excellence always costs, and came back with 4 kilos assorted. One for my daughter for Christmas, she seems to have inherited my chocolate gene, one for my friends at Nottingham Credit Union, and two for me.......though one has somehow got eaten already !

Clearly self control may be required, or maybe I was just in need of the magical properties, who knows.

Ah I hear you say what about Bread ?..........well I firstly thought I would muse on the niceness of fresh baked bread, french bread with cheese etc but a ham sandwich doesn’t really appear in the same league as chocolate.

Enjoy your Christmas selection boxes but if you get any fine chocolates as well, then don’t try them together, one will come out wanting......you know it makes sense !

CULTURE SHOCK

The same but different, familiar but strange ......... pick your own saying, what I am blogging today is a close encounter with the French personality.

Lets begin at the beginning. I had decided that it was time for a short trip to France to replenish my wine cellar, OK cupboard and fridge....as I was quite depleted and it was Beaujolais Noveau time. Yes I know that there is not the same fuss regarding this as in the past but it is a quite pleasant wine, I never have pretended to be an expert. On learning about this my daughter decided she would come too, as she was responsible for my shortness of supplies, I live in the hope that having got her own she might not raid mine so frequently.

We booked the Ferry, £58 return for car plus two, a good deal and a small, what in this country we would call a B&B, but Auberge sounds so much classier. This was situated in the hinterland behind Calais and Dunquerke towards St Omer, for those who know the area, in a small village.

The adventure started here, the fog had settled at Dover, we set off hoping the Captain had his radar and satnav in good order and arrived to quite thick gloom which increased as the sun set.

The more we got into the country and travelled along narrow roads with canals and big ditches,  either side, crash barriers being obviously optional extras, the slower we went. However we made it albeit slowly and reached the right village only to be greeted by a deviation sign on the road we wanted to enter...... we deviated as requested and after some even narrower lanes, one of which was unpaved, no matter we were in the Jeep which is designed and modified for such terrain, and reached the correct ‘rue’. Expecting a sign of some kind we drove slowly up and back down this road, resorting eventually to calling into a house and seeking directions which put us back in the right direction. It seemed to be sometime after we discovered what we thought might be the Auberge. A rustic style building at the end of a farmyard.

My French isn’t great but I managed to ensure we were in the right place and the lady did indeed expect us.

There was a big room, part of which was lit and seated round the kitchen table were four people having their tea. We were shown our rooms, twice or more the space of a Campanile or similar and invited to join them for a drink. The party consisted of Madame the owner, what turned out to be a Belgium couple and another man who we never discovered who he was, he might have been Madame’s husband but not sure.

Only one spoke English and from the appearance and the name I jumped to the conclusion that she was a man, possibly a transvestite and with the other Belgium...........I was so wrong, she turned out to a’ lady and he her husband ! I blame the name, she said she was Michelle which sounds the same in French as Michel. The dog was, well a big friendly dog, he was a Belgium dog called “Edelweiss” or “edy” who seemed to like us and shedding hair everywhere.

We were offered some wine, well in fact we had unknowingly purchased a bottle, ‘pas de problem ‘ as the French say and thus started the first night of a sometimes surreal conversation.

They were all interested in us, more of which later, and we explained our mission and what we were going to buy. It was I admit a strange list. Wine of course, Cidre, Cheeses, but also a washing up liquid called Paic Citron XL, I had discovered this many years ago and have bought it on every trip to France since. This caused great amusement, why would anyone come to France to buy a common washing up liquid ?

At some pause we were asked if we wanted something to eat, given the fog etc we were not inclined to venture out again and agreed. Madame asked what would we like and pointing the the dish that they had been eating indicated that it was this or nothing. She took it away to reheat. It was very nice and accompanied by fresh French bread. We talked for a little time, explaining that we came from Nottingham, “where Robin Hood comes from,” seems to be the best description to use. 

It was about nine o’clock when Madame suddenly decided to go to each of our rooms and switch the lights on and as far as I could tell, we were effectively sent to bed !after having fixed breakfast time !

We slept well, might have been the wine or just tired from the journey, and so dawned the second day.

Things always look better in the daylight and we saw the gardens where there were chickens, ducks, and peacocks. Madame brought fresh bread straight from the baker to us and what I think was yesterday’s bread for the fowl.

The unknown older gentleman appeared for coffee and brought us a photocopied map on which he identified the hypermarches in all directions, a most kindly thought.

We went forth and covered the Belgium chocolate shop near the border, two Auchun and a Carrefour as well as the CIte d’Europe. We had lunch at the Flunch, a chain of restaurants everywhere, tip - if you want a good but inexpensive meal the supermarket cafes are unbeatable.

We returned, I had bought some Belgium chocolates for them all which seemed to go down well and at seven o’clock joined the two Belgiums and Madame for dinner. Again simple fare you have what was presented but quite agreeable and some very nice cheese 

The dinner and apres dinner conversations carried on, Madame was in her stride, she asked about my daughter’s marital status and when she was having babies, she asked me why I was fat, what I did etc etc. Michelle who had to translate some of this, I got bits but somethings were beyond my vocabulary, and she apologized, in English, for the French habit of asking what might be considered impolite questions.

Despite everything we did find things to talk about, Madame was great fan of Winston Churchill and General de Gaulle, and then somehow we got into the differences in language, especially of animal noises ie ducks go ‘quack’ in UK, canards go ‘coin coin’ in French. There are apparently country specific ways of saying ‘cock a doodle doo’ and the same for others, I think we did sheep, lambs, cows, horses, dogs and chickens

The rest was equally surreal and whilst I could not see it personally, it seems that everytime Madame got up and went into the kitchen the others could see her opening the fridge and swigging from a bottle. This may have explained her style of conversation. Jean-Claude the Belgium husband, who was evidently someone important as he got calls on his mobile every 15 minutes throughout the evening, we made a joke regarding when the next one would arrive.

That night we were not sent to bed but about 11:00pm we sent ourselves, in all an enjoyable and quite new experience we shall remember, anyway the moral if there is in fact one is try and fit in with your hosts and those of other countries, don’t expect France to be England with better wine, be able to speak on history, politics, philosophy etc not just whats happening in Coronation Street.

And come away with a good feeling............. onwards to Auchun for fresh stuff, before boarding the ferry and with two rooms, two nights, wine and drinks and dinners and breakfasts for only €180 !

Viv La France, Vive la difference

JUST AVERAGELY SUCCESSFUL

I think I am average, or maybe I have just had to admit that I am not anything else.Not a failure not a great success, just middling. 

In the AR (after retirement) period of life things change but I have actually been able to fulfill some ambitions that had eluded me in my working life.

I have become firstly the Director for Human Resources and now as well as that, the Chair of the Board .with Nottingham Credit Union (www.nottinghamcu.co.uk)........... in fact I understand that I am strictly speaking The President, .......well now President Pattman does sound quite nice............ though perhaps a bit grand, or just a little bit grand, or actually quite OK. You dear reader may choose.

 But these titles have been achieved in voluntary work, so whilst I may be a Director and in the Financial world, I have and never will get a high salary and lots of bonuses.....no share options or company cars or private jets, I still really fancy a private jet though !

This thread of thought was kick started, as I in a moment of pessimism and melancholy, thats getting older for you, you can think too much......... was writing a letter to my daughter ......... but only to be opened when I am dead, so she will have to wait. It did however cause reflections on what is success.

I made what is called Senior Management, I owned my own home,building up and taking advantage of the housing price increases, ah what happy days when you bought a house and sold it in a few years and made 30% + profits. I married and was pretty happy most of the time and had a child, I was in work most of the time in interesting organisations and I learnt a lot, some of which is still useful.

I travelled a bit but not as far as I would have liked, I never got to live abroad and its too late now..........

Of course money and possessions are important to many, the few self contented individuals, these living in harmony with nature and perhaps those with deep religious .......(we won’t go there though) .........convictions or values appreciate more abstract pleasures  and achievements.......I however like things as my previous blog entries will testify.

Others value friendships, family etc and I find myself lacking rather on both counts. Friends drift away when the bond of common workplaces is removed, families break up, people die or just move elsewhere. I used to have friends, I think but no more, not in the sense that the relationship would survive change in jobs, status, home etc

One bright spot is my daughter is getting married so I will become a Father in Law and acquire a Son in Law so you that’s something I haven’t done before !

I think my trouble is that I don’t like being ordinary, I don’t want to drive the same car as many, so avoid Ford, Vauxhall and other high volume manufacturers, I like having titles........... they may not define your inner self or others may not be impressed but without our labels what are we ?

As you get older your status in Society changes, I still don’t like having to tick the box that says “Widower” on forms. I quite like my free bus pass, but still think the bus is full of old people and I don’t see myself like them. My delusion I know. 

I dread the day when I am no longer active mentally or physically, but especially mentally, enough to have positions of influence, that’s when I will know its time to go..........but maybe not just yet .............but its still good to think about these things and prepare. 

I have time and freedom, sufficient money not to worry too much about spending it...the old saying is right you can’t take it with you, as is the one that says, its what you do with it that matters, in the bank its just numbers on a spreadsheet, but as I don’t know how long I have then planning becomes more difficult .........

So may questions, so few answers, the world is unpredictable, it always has been, so I will settle for being average, but continue to seek for success, however it is measured.

MISCELLANEOUS MISCELLANIES

I was conscious that I had not posted a new blog for sometime.........I have had ideas, but age intervenes and unless I write it down or do it, sometimes the thought for an article just vanishes.

So I though just a short series of comments....at this point I have no more idea than you dear reader have, of what’s coming next. So lets travel into the uncharted territory that is Malcolm’s mind, with hope and best wishes or sceptism or boredom.... your choice.

VEHICLES

I have swapped the Volvo for a Saab convertible, bright red. The reasoning was an unfortunate experience with the Volvo, which was compounded by it being out of warranty.

A mechanic was resetting the car;s computer, all modern cars are packed to the gunwales with tech stuff, and somehow the drivers door disappeared ............well virtually disappeared, physically it was still there, I could open and close it .....but all the buttons that controlled the windows, mirrors, central locking on the drivers door didn’t work, the computer said it didn’t have a door and that was that. Two days in the main dealership, lots of expensive labour and expensive parts it was restored to health, but don’t you always feel a sense of loss of confidence, when what was done was essentially throw away a box of electronics and fit a new one. I am not convinced that the Volvo mechanics have any idea of why and what was the problem.

I therefore decided on a new(ish) car with warranty and after many happy hours looking at models and specifications, I decided that I must stick with a convertible for those days of English Summer sunshine that appear between the thunderstorms and hurricanes. Hence the SAAB 9-3 which has two and a half years of warranty..........assuming that SAAB doesn’t go bankrupt in the meantime........it really does prove that you can’t know the future. 

Just to make the story a bit longer, I have also bought a New Jeep, the old one seems to like overheating and cost of fixing it again, three previous attempts having not solved, is more that the car is worth. So now I have to get offroading bits transferred over, change insurance,etc etc..............and then selling the old Jeep for spares or repairs, good deal to anyone interested.

NEW CHAIR FOR NOTTINGHAM CREDIT UNION

Yes thats me............................I stood for election at a Board meeting I couldn’t attend and got voted in.......

Interesting new perspective, I now have to pay more attention to the accountants and all their figures, but I do hope to take a more holistic and inclusive view in the changing financial world. 

As no one else wanted it, I still remain as Director for Human Resources, so I can talk to myself about people things, at least there are no difficulties in having meetings..........unless half of me is somehow unavailable !

RETIRED ROBOT

The Robomow lawn robot has been sold on. Not a case of losing faith in technology but because of some landscaping I now don't have a lawn, but paving and pebbles, artistically arranged to my design.

The motivation was to due to my increasing difficulty in bending and walking very far ...........what I really need is to be robotised myself, anyone remember the $6m dollar man ? I am ready for some bionic bits, but don't think the NHS has a budget for that.

EYES

A fascinating experience at the optometrist, this was paid for by the NHS, lots of clever machines to tell me that my blind spot was outside the norm, that I had thick optic nerves fibres but that I was OK, so not going blind just yet.

So another day, small victories, setbacks overcome and still got most of my marbles...........see you soon, I shall write down my inspirations as they occur.

TRAVEL BROADENS THE MIND ?

A bit of miscellany this time, in fact its a selection of things I randomly noted from a recent driving tour of Denmark, Sweden and back through Germany and  Netherlands.

Bicycles are big........and virtually every road and city paths has cycle paths, but as a mere pedestrian, I felt second class, as high speed cyclists travel on shared spaces with walkers............. possibly my lack of awareness, but seems like increased risk of getting run down by a cyclist than a car ?

Cash is disappearing in Sweden, residents seem to use credit or debit cards for small purchases in a shop or newsagent and in the shopping center car park in Gotenburg, the only way in and out is by card, no tickets, no pay stations.

Similarly in the same Shopping Centre the Swedish mobile operator 3 shop happily sold me a micro data sim for my IPAD, but didn’t accept cash at all.

By the way, the SIM worked in both Denmark and Sweden, no issues with excessive roaming charges.

There's lots of water, lakes, fiords, canals, rivers etc which is attractive and over all I managed to use seven ferries, from large ocean going to a wooden “raft” across a short channel. To this add lots of bridges going from island to island and seeing Stockholm and Kobenhvn by boat illustrates why the Vikings came from this area. 

Do you go to Macdonalds ? Do you clear your tray and rubbish ? Do you separate the card board and paper from cups, from straws and plastic, do you empty your old food and drinks into special slots first ? In Sweden you do, and everyone seems to accept this as the norm, maybe that’s why their recycling record is much better than the UK.

Because of my journey I also needed four currencies, £, Euros, SW Kronor, DK Kronor, as  Denmark and Sweden are like the UK in not joining the Eurozone ............. not impossible to cope with although the bureau de change or banks make a nice little profit each time you change ...............but really but come on its time everyone got on board and we had one European currency.

No booze in Swedish shops, except for shandy type beers (hard drink is only for sale in official shops)  so at the shortest crossing points to Denmark lots of bargain booze outlets just inside Denmark, which are very bus=y with visiting Swedes stocking up, maybe the attempt to restrict alcohol isn’t really working

In some ways pleased to be back but an interesting experience nonetheless in two similar but different countries

WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS or LEARN TO LOVE TECH

Woe is me ! I seem to have lost my last post, I remember writing it, I remember previewing it, I though I uploaded it .............never mind, not a problem in the great scheme of things, but as I write from an idea and it develops on it's own, this replacement will not be the same............anyway enough housekeeping, on to the gripping and insightful content !

The thought that started this was what devices and other things that, at one time, would be a nice extra but not essential, have now moved into the "how could I manage without ?" category, of course there alternatives but .............

Let's start big in the field of robots, OK many domestic appliances have intelligence of a sort, though they would not pass the Turing test, as would not my two robots but they are much, much cleverer than the self defrost fridge.

Item 1 is my IRobots Roomba vacuum cleaner, remove any large discarded items on the floor, press go and come back to a clean floor, carpets and tile or wood all suitable, it gets in the corners and under beds, tables etc......it also goes back to it's charger.You do have to empty the bin, but I can manage that.

Item 2 is even more talented, it's a Robomow, it has a docking station on the lawn and once the lawn or lawns are set up, you can set times, durations etc currently at 1:00 pm on Wednesday, it comes out, does it work and then goes to it's home, no cuttings not to empty. It even knows when it is raining and delays it's program.

These may not be the universal robots of scifi, though perhaps in the future, but have enough intelligence to do their jobs efficiently and without much human interventions

On a more prosaic level, I would really miss my ice cube maker machine, no more warn cold drinks, I cannot imagine going back to a manual toothbrush or an electric razor that cleans itself. I guess once you have such devices your expectations change.

I have written before about the absolutely indispensable IPAD, on which I write this blog while waiting for a hospital appointment where the Doc is running at least 40 minutes late, which I now use to control my TV, Virgin box, Amplifier, DVD set up. I used to have a dedicated device but when it died, I found an app and a plug in IR sender. OK I could use the four separate remotes that came with kit, but it's so easy and somehow satisfying to use one which starts everything on, tunes the TV, amplifier to the right input and you can manage everything on the cable box.

Once again it was the withdrawal symptoms that set in when the Logitec died that made me make a very small investment think £30 rather than £300 and quite enjoyed the setting up process, but it's another "I can't live without it" or at least I don't want to. However I go not think I am total addicted............. I have just bought a new(ish) car and I will have to live without heated seats.......I think I will cope. The world keeps moving on, faster and faster, maybe the only message of this post is no matter your age, you should keep up..........after all new things stimulate the old and sometimes tired brain.