LOOKING FOR LURV

I hesitated before writing this entry, I am still not sure about the title, but hey here goes anyway.

The hesitation was some quite deep learned behaviour that said “don’t talk about personal things with strangers”. A brief, but soon rationalised thought, about hurting others, but the other characters will remain anonymous .............and lastly the fear that my readers will learn something about me that could affect relationships with colleagues, fellow workers  etc in some way. Of course I rationalised quite easily that readers read blogs because they want to gain insights and would find it intriguing. If you are bored, disinterested and disappointed, then of course you can leave .

So onto the main plot. My last blog had me deciding I was not too old for new things and as previous entries happy chance came along for the ride.

The story unfolds thus. I was using Friends Reunited to try and trace someone from the past, I mean nearly 40 years ago and I succeeded. As a result we have made email contact and exchanged reminiscences and caught up where we are today.  On the way out of the site, I saw their advert for a sister place Friends Reunited Dating..................ah you’ve guessed, I clicked.

I wrote my profile, trying to be very honest, set my criteria and pressed search...........I was astonished to find 12 pages of matches ! Of course they needed filtering etc but that in a reasonable radius of me, were so many ladies looking for ........well that's the point what are they looking for?

Shortening this phase a bit, I soon mastered the software and set other parameters eg as I am 6’4” I set my minimum height at 5’3” and then trawled through the details, picking what they call my hot list, that still came to about 18 ladies.

Now this is clearly an imperfect system, but so is meeting people in other circumstances, whilst the matching has some logic to it, I found myself using the photos as a first filter. Now as I am not an athletic Adonis, I have no right to do this, but I did pick the ones who attracted me physically. I didn’t think this was correct but hey ho.

Now this site and others of the same ilk, keep interest up by telling you when someone views you and encourages messaging. I am unsure of the protocol for this, are the woman expecting the men to make the first approach as in real life ? It seems to be so. So imagine my thoughts when someone had viewed me and sent a short message. Wow

I replied, we started to check out each other via email, by this time we had shared email addresses to avoid going through the site all the time. In a short time R and I agreed to meet, my first date in 30+ years !

Now get ready for the truth, the rituals, the anxiety, the need to consider someone else again and the short journey to .......... keep reading all will be revealed.

R and I had seemed to hit it off, no awkward silences, plenty of things is common and also things different, potentially a good mix.

Summarising ........I felt good, I wanted to continue this, R did too and we moved on to other dates, texts, emails and phone calls. The experience was invigorating and I thank her for that, we talked about pretty deep stuff as well as more usual ‘what films do you like’ 

Alas there is no happy ending, R decided that “I would like you as a friend, but nothing else” and it was only then that it hit me, I was really looking for more. Leave aside the arguments that men and woman are less often just friends compared to men and men and women and women which I guess I believe............... relationship and dating can have different interpretations.

I had perhaps subconsciously thought that a relationship would build, but it could not survive by being static, I did, and indeed still do, want to be also more tactile and closer, in due course, and to become central in someone else's life. Not the only person obviously, many people at this age have children and even grandchildren and other non romantic friends. Most of the ladies’ profiles referred to ‘cuddling’ maybe this is some code, who knows, but my profile now says I would like that as well !

So in short we wanted different things and unlike the days of my youth I would not carry on in the hope that minds would change, that seemed a waste of limited time. I have become a more discerning dater than when young.  

We parted never to get further.  Well never say never, maybe she will wake up one day and realise what she has missed ..........ah dream on young sir, we are in Mills and Boons territory there..........

This also made we think of something I had never considered, divorced people, and the majority were, have a different experience from those widowed or never married.

The divorcees, well R anyway, had been hurt before and therefore I postulate, feel free to disagree, may be more distrusting and apprehensive of where its going, than people who had also suffered a loss but not one of their making and are perhaps more optimistic.

So I had by the usual randomness, at least clarified that I wanted a more ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship without the impetuousness of youth but with a positive ‘glass half full’ attitude to later life.

I owe R a debt for awakening me and I wish her well. So I am back on the market ladies, and have sent off messages to a number of other potential matches on the original and another site ................. watch this space for an update. “It is better to travel hopefully than arrive”  may be the outcome but also possibly my life can be improved with a suitable and simpatico person.

Bye for now and thanks for reading.