Ironing Water and other Mysteries

Who knew I needed this, not me for sure, but apparently I do. In case there are others out there whose experience and knowledge is equally limited, it is ...... well its a bottle of water .....which you use to fill up the tank on a steam iron but wait .........its good for the iron and leaves your clothes smelling fresh. Ah how have I managed until now.........

This is but one example that occurs in everyday life when you enter into a relationship with someone new who comes with her own set of learned experiences. In the same way I have introduced her to a washing up liquid called Paic Citron. This I discovered many years ago and as far as I know you only get it in French Supermarkets but I won't buy anything else ........or will I

After my "on my own time" where I made all my own decisions without consultation, it is the perhaps small but unexpected changes that strike me and I confidently expect there are more of these differences to come.

Marriage Guidance and similar experts will tell you that most couples can deal with big things but sometimes little differences are the ones that break the camels back, so to speak. (no camels have been harmed by the writing of this blog)

Other random things I am noticing include, the use of foil in preference to cling film, washing cloth not sponge, and a difference in perception as to what "clean" is, though that may be a more general man vs woman thing.

Now those of a scientific bent, will know about temperature, the arithmetical expression of describing hot, cold, warm etc. So how do you explain "its cold........., no dear its fine" I await better weather, though this being England that may be a wish rather than a certainty, to see if the same perceptions apply as to when the aircon needs to be on. Thank goodness for cars with dual zone climate control

So each week brings new perspectives, which is good, I look forward to TV and musical differences, to soap, shampoo and toothpaste, what pattern is "nice" on duvet covers, and
I await that real test of a new relationship............how do I feel when my kitchen cupboards get rearranged ?

PLUS LE CHANGE .......CE N'EST PAS LE MEME CHOIX

Forgive me for adapted the well (?)  known saying, which effectively says that things change but in essence its still the same ........I beg to disagree and I will illustrate this by way of various things that have affected me in ways I never considered and some which might have significant impact in the future.

As usual I shall return to my serial musings and update any regular readers.

PEOPLE

Following on from the last entry where I related some experiences in the older person dating game............ should anyone be bothered ................I believe I have now found a lady to have a long term, well at our age, long term becomes a variable time horizon, relationship.

Ah very positive, I almost hear you murmuring supportingly, but the sheer extent of the change that this brings and might bring is potentially very significant.

Just a short list will I suggest suffice to illustrate this.

Having to consider another when making plans

Sharpening up my housekeeping

Increased my use of telephone, text communication channels, so I needed to change my plan, after many years of being on one that now no longer suited

Thinking of new things to do rather than the well worn paths that singledom allows

Adapting to someone else’s preferences in food, drink, toiletries, temperature etc etc

Looking forward, there is distinct prospects of even more change .......... living arrangements, holidays, meeting families and friends of the other etc

Please be assured that I am not thrown by this, well not much anyway, but that a settled existence is so quickly transformed to something new and different, means that change is now a reality not an abstract concept.

ECONOMICS ONE

On a wider front and connected with my work with Nottingham Credit Union, I am becoming aware that the economic situation is affecting people deeper and more significantly. The Government plan for Universal credits and in particular what is informally referred to as the ‘bedroom tax’ may affect many people. In essence people on benefits often get a Housing Benefit which essentially pays their rent to the Council, a social or private landlord.

The change is that if you rent a two bedroom flat at £x and live alone, you are likely to see your benefits cut to the level of a single bedroom flat at x minus some yet unknown percentage, but the landlords are unlikely to cut the rent and in some areas there is a very limited supply of one bed properties and hence people will be forced towards sharing accommodation. That is indeed a major change and unlike the previous section is not with a loved one but conceivably a stranger. Nice example of government decisions having large effects downstream.

ECONOMICS TWO

Lastly another economic factor, I refer to the ever increasing price of petrol and diesel. As a two car owner this makes me perhaps a little sensitive to criticism from those going down  the hybrid, electric and super efficient small cars. I would like to embrace such new technologies as readers will know, but .....................maybe not just yet as it would probably mean acquiring another vehicle and that could be a step too far for my conscience and financial viability, being a poor pensioner and with costs associated with item one above to consider.

In conclusion, I reiterate the opening, change happens, things change, better to be in positively than being dragged kicking and screaming in its wake ............. but then I do like to believe I have some modicum of free will and the ability to control some aspects of my destiny, despite other evidence to the contrary....................

LOOKING FOR LURV

I hesitated before writing this entry, I am still not sure about the title, but hey here goes anyway.

The hesitation was some quite deep learned behaviour that said “don’t talk about personal things with strangers”. A brief, but soon rationalised thought, about hurting others, but the other characters will remain anonymous .............and lastly the fear that my readers will learn something about me that could affect relationships with colleagues, fellow workers  etc in some way. Of course I rationalised quite easily that readers read blogs because they want to gain insights and would find it intriguing. If you are bored, disinterested and disappointed, then of course you can leave .

So onto the main plot. My last blog had me deciding I was not too old for new things and as previous entries happy chance came along for the ride.

The story unfolds thus. I was using Friends Reunited to try and trace someone from the past, I mean nearly 40 years ago and I succeeded. As a result we have made email contact and exchanged reminiscences and caught up where we are today.  On the way out of the site, I saw their advert for a sister place Friends Reunited Dating..................ah you’ve guessed, I clicked.

I wrote my profile, trying to be very honest, set my criteria and pressed search...........I was astonished to find 12 pages of matches ! Of course they needed filtering etc but that in a reasonable radius of me, were so many ladies looking for ........well that's the point what are they looking for?

Shortening this phase a bit, I soon mastered the software and set other parameters eg as I am 6’4” I set my minimum height at 5’3” and then trawled through the details, picking what they call my hot list, that still came to about 18 ladies.

Now this is clearly an imperfect system, but so is meeting people in other circumstances, whilst the matching has some logic to it, I found myself using the photos as a first filter. Now as I am not an athletic Adonis, I have no right to do this, but I did pick the ones who attracted me physically. I didn’t think this was correct but hey ho.

Now this site and others of the same ilk, keep interest up by telling you when someone views you and encourages messaging. I am unsure of the protocol for this, are the woman expecting the men to make the first approach as in real life ? It seems to be so. So imagine my thoughts when someone had viewed me and sent a short message. Wow

I replied, we started to check out each other via email, by this time we had shared email addresses to avoid going through the site all the time. In a short time R and I agreed to meet, my first date in 30+ years !

Now get ready for the truth, the rituals, the anxiety, the need to consider someone else again and the short journey to .......... keep reading all will be revealed.

R and I had seemed to hit it off, no awkward silences, plenty of things is common and also things different, potentially a good mix.

Summarising ........I felt good, I wanted to continue this, R did too and we moved on to other dates, texts, emails and phone calls. The experience was invigorating and I thank her for that, we talked about pretty deep stuff as well as more usual ‘what films do you like’ 

Alas there is no happy ending, R decided that “I would like you as a friend, but nothing else” and it was only then that it hit me, I was really looking for more. Leave aside the arguments that men and woman are less often just friends compared to men and men and women and women which I guess I believe............... relationship and dating can have different interpretations.

I had perhaps subconsciously thought that a relationship would build, but it could not survive by being static, I did, and indeed still do, want to be also more tactile and closer, in due course, and to become central in someone else's life. Not the only person obviously, many people at this age have children and even grandchildren and other non romantic friends. Most of the ladies’ profiles referred to ‘cuddling’ maybe this is some code, who knows, but my profile now says I would like that as well !

So in short we wanted different things and unlike the days of my youth I would not carry on in the hope that minds would change, that seemed a waste of limited time. I have become a more discerning dater than when young.  

We parted never to get further.  Well never say never, maybe she will wake up one day and realise what she has missed ..........ah dream on young sir, we are in Mills and Boons territory there..........

This also made we think of something I had never considered, divorced people, and the majority were, have a different experience from those widowed or never married.

The divorcees, well R anyway, had been hurt before and therefore I postulate, feel free to disagree, may be more distrusting and apprehensive of where its going, than people who had also suffered a loss but not one of their making and are perhaps more optimistic.

So I had by the usual randomness, at least clarified that I wanted a more ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship without the impetuousness of youth but with a positive ‘glass half full’ attitude to later life.

I owe R a debt for awakening me and I wish her well. So I am back on the market ladies, and have sent off messages to a number of other potential matches on the original and another site ................. watch this space for an update. “It is better to travel hopefully than arrive”  may be the outcome but also possibly my life can be improved with a suitable and simpatico person.

Bye for now and thanks for reading.

BARGAINS

At this time of the year you cannot escape the promise of 'the sale', the 'special offer', the 'BOGOFF' and any other marketing techniques designed to encourage you to spend money.

Now some people are great bargain hunters, my Mother used to shop for Christmas Cards, paper, tags, ribbon etc in January and put them away until the next Dec, she always got a good deal.

I have come to like bargains as well, not so organised as my Mother but now the Internet brings many more 'opportunities' to me daily and sometimes the promise of a special discount does tip the balance and when I sign up for something and get 40% off "today only" but then go via Quidco and get 70% cash back on the reduced price, I do feel a little smug. I would probably have purchased the service anyway, but the discounts made me grasp the nettle and decide there and then.

In hard economic times however some may find that conspicuous consummation has gone out of favour whilst others are tempted by the bargain and especially the easy ways to pay. As I have described in other entries I am Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union and we deal with a wide range of customers but some who are driven by the need to spend, " for the kids" especially at Christmas and need to borrow to pay for it, hopefully having cleared the debt from last Christmas. this is prudent for some and 'unashamed plug' we have reasonable rates.

These are however not the people to worry most about, its those who spend their credit cards to the max and face high interest rates or have to turn to the Payday loan companies, there seems to be significant increase in their advertising across all media now. Failure to manage that debt can attract interest rates in 1000's of % APR.

My wish for 2012 is that those who can manage and budget do so, (and any spare save with NCU )(www.nottinghamcu.co.uk ) and others seek to change their expectations and treat spending money not as right, but a skill.

New Year's homily over, .........next time ...well no idea yet, something will come to me. Travel hopefully in this new year.

Feeling Old in Ikea

I felt old today..... yes I know I am old, the flush of youth and middle age has passed by, but despite minor considerations,  I never considered my self an old person who needs help until..........the visit to Ikea.

Now I have along with many others used Ikea's since its early days in the UK, even travelling to the first store at Warrington and I like the Swedish design and the good prices, but less so the instructions on furniture.......but we won't go there this time.

This time I only wanted two shower rubber mats, maybe that was the first sign, I felt the need for some solid material under my feet........but we, well I, digress. Parking, walking across to the Store, I decided that shower mats would be in the bathroom section ............ah you guessed they were nowhere to be seen. A bit of a wander around failed to locate the elusive articles, so I had to eventually ask an assistant. The directions took me back to the children's section, clearly my mind and/or vision were also sub optimal. I could not see any bright blue mats, ......then I had a brainwave, I would go to the warehouse area, they often have piles of stuff there, and as this was at a special price for Ikea Family customers .......I limped along hopefully.

I checked the computer for the said article and lo it came up with a location which read "Ikea Family" not the usual aisle 24 G8 type location.

Regular readers may know about my knee and the thought of a trek back was not attractive.......but wait I still had no ideas where the Ikea Family section was located. So to another assistant. Leaning convincingly on my stick I asked for help. She was charming and helpful, telephoning to check they were in stock, seeking to get someone to bring them back to me, and having failed went to fetch them herself, whilst I found a convenient chair to rest on.

So a happy ending and an example of great service, but why then did it feel that I was now in the "old and infirm who need help with their shopping" category...............and that did make me feel old, I suspect that reducing independence and need to compromise on what you do, or having to ask for help, is what really makes the reality real.

The mind is willing, the flesh is weak.

CHOCOLATE AND BREAD

Who doesn’t like these two things ? Well I was actually surprised when talking to a friend, I was explaining that I was going to France for some Beaujolais Noveau and other stuff and I said that I was going for trip over the Border into Belgium for some chocolates, to which he revealed the fact that he never eats chocolate.........I had not ever imagined that anyone was immune to the lure of fine chocolate.

I am probably verging on being a chocoholic, I suspect it goes back to my slightly deprived childhood and the post war period when chocolate was expensive and not available as easily as today.

Anyone who has read the book or seen the film ‘chocolat’ will be aware that this is based on the premise that good chocolate is an art but also has the ingredients to fix many human conditions. By the way the book is much better than the film, but I digress, there is certainly a ‘buzz’ from eating the stuff and I admit to eating chocolate when bored, tired, upset, anxious etc.

However whilst all chocolate is welcome, except perhaps bars of white chocolate, Uggh, a Kit Kat or a Cadburys flake is pleasant.......ever noticed how shape changes something, thus a finger of Kit Kat is different to chunky ones, a Twirl and a Flake are essentially similar but different folds, an Aero has different bubble sizes to a Wispa.......and it really does effect the taste.............but there is a quantum leap when you start sampling  individually made  chocolates. In this country Thornton's do a passable confection,  go to an outlet store or otherwise seek out the mishapes, often half price,..............but still they pales into insignificance against ones from Belgium.

I probably spent too much, ..... excellence always costs, and came back with 4 kilos assorted. One for my daughter for Christmas, she seems to have inherited my chocolate gene, one for my friends at Nottingham Credit Union, and two for me.......though one has somehow got eaten already !

Clearly self control may be required, or maybe I was just in need of the magical properties, who knows.

Ah I hear you say what about Bread ?..........well I firstly thought I would muse on the niceness of fresh baked bread, french bread with cheese etc but a ham sandwich doesn’t really appear in the same league as chocolate.

Enjoy your Christmas selection boxes but if you get any fine chocolates as well, then don’t try them together, one will come out wanting......you know it makes sense !

CULTURE SHOCK

The same but different, familiar but strange ......... pick your own saying, what I am blogging today is a close encounter with the French personality.

Lets begin at the beginning. I had decided that it was time for a short trip to France to replenish my wine cellar, OK cupboard and fridge....as I was quite depleted and it was Beaujolais Noveau time. Yes I know that there is not the same fuss regarding this as in the past but it is a quite pleasant wine, I never have pretended to be an expert. On learning about this my daughter decided she would come too, as she was responsible for my shortness of supplies, I live in the hope that having got her own she might not raid mine so frequently.

We booked the Ferry, £58 return for car plus two, a good deal and a small, what in this country we would call a B&B, but Auberge sounds so much classier. This was situated in the hinterland behind Calais and Dunquerke towards St Omer, for those who know the area, in a small village.

The adventure started here, the fog had settled at Dover, we set off hoping the Captain had his radar and satnav in good order and arrived to quite thick gloom which increased as the sun set.

The more we got into the country and travelled along narrow roads with canals and big ditches,  either side, crash barriers being obviously optional extras, the slower we went. However we made it albeit slowly and reached the right village only to be greeted by a deviation sign on the road we wanted to enter...... we deviated as requested and after some even narrower lanes, one of which was unpaved, no matter we were in the Jeep which is designed and modified for such terrain, and reached the correct ‘rue’. Expecting a sign of some kind we drove slowly up and back down this road, resorting eventually to calling into a house and seeking directions which put us back in the right direction. It seemed to be sometime after we discovered what we thought might be the Auberge. A rustic style building at the end of a farmyard.

My French isn’t great but I managed to ensure we were in the right place and the lady did indeed expect us.

There was a big room, part of which was lit and seated round the kitchen table were four people having their tea. We were shown our rooms, twice or more the space of a Campanile or similar and invited to join them for a drink. The party consisted of Madame the owner, what turned out to be a Belgium couple and another man who we never discovered who he was, he might have been Madame’s husband but not sure.

Only one spoke English and from the appearance and the name I jumped to the conclusion that she was a man, possibly a transvestite and with the other Belgium...........I was so wrong, she turned out to a’ lady and he her husband ! I blame the name, she said she was Michelle which sounds the same in French as Michel. The dog was, well a big friendly dog, he was a Belgium dog called “Edelweiss” or “edy” who seemed to like us and shedding hair everywhere.

We were offered some wine, well in fact we had unknowingly purchased a bottle, ‘pas de problem ‘ as the French say and thus started the first night of a sometimes surreal conversation.

They were all interested in us, more of which later, and we explained our mission and what we were going to buy. It was I admit a strange list. Wine of course, Cidre, Cheeses, but also a washing up liquid called Paic Citron XL, I had discovered this many years ago and have bought it on every trip to France since. This caused great amusement, why would anyone come to France to buy a common washing up liquid ?

At some pause we were asked if we wanted something to eat, given the fog etc we were not inclined to venture out again and agreed. Madame asked what would we like and pointing the the dish that they had been eating indicated that it was this or nothing. She took it away to reheat. It was very nice and accompanied by fresh French bread. We talked for a little time, explaining that we came from Nottingham, “where Robin Hood comes from,” seems to be the best description to use. 

It was about nine o’clock when Madame suddenly decided to go to each of our rooms and switch the lights on and as far as I could tell, we were effectively sent to bed !after having fixed breakfast time !

We slept well, might have been the wine or just tired from the journey, and so dawned the second day.

Things always look better in the daylight and we saw the gardens where there were chickens, ducks, and peacocks. Madame brought fresh bread straight from the baker to us and what I think was yesterday’s bread for the fowl.

The unknown older gentleman appeared for coffee and brought us a photocopied map on which he identified the hypermarches in all directions, a most kindly thought.

We went forth and covered the Belgium chocolate shop near the border, two Auchun and a Carrefour as well as the CIte d’Europe. We had lunch at the Flunch, a chain of restaurants everywhere, tip - if you want a good but inexpensive meal the supermarket cafes are unbeatable.

We returned, I had bought some Belgium chocolates for them all which seemed to go down well and at seven o’clock joined the two Belgiums and Madame for dinner. Again simple fare you have what was presented but quite agreeable and some very nice cheese 

The dinner and apres dinner conversations carried on, Madame was in her stride, she asked about my daughter’s marital status and when she was having babies, she asked me why I was fat, what I did etc etc. Michelle who had to translate some of this, I got bits but somethings were beyond my vocabulary, and she apologized, in English, for the French habit of asking what might be considered impolite questions.

Despite everything we did find things to talk about, Madame was great fan of Winston Churchill and General de Gaulle, and then somehow we got into the differences in language, especially of animal noises ie ducks go ‘quack’ in UK, canards go ‘coin coin’ in French. There are apparently country specific ways of saying ‘cock a doodle doo’ and the same for others, I think we did sheep, lambs, cows, horses, dogs and chickens

The rest was equally surreal and whilst I could not see it personally, it seems that everytime Madame got up and went into the kitchen the others could see her opening the fridge and swigging from a bottle. This may have explained her style of conversation. Jean-Claude the Belgium husband, who was evidently someone important as he got calls on his mobile every 15 minutes throughout the evening, we made a joke regarding when the next one would arrive.

That night we were not sent to bed but about 11:00pm we sent ourselves, in all an enjoyable and quite new experience we shall remember, anyway the moral if there is in fact one is try and fit in with your hosts and those of other countries, don’t expect France to be England with better wine, be able to speak on history, politics, philosophy etc not just whats happening in Coronation Street.

And come away with a good feeling............. onwards to Auchun for fresh stuff, before boarding the ferry and with two rooms, two nights, wine and drinks and dinners and breakfasts for only €180 !

Viv La France, Vive la difference