WINTER BLUES ............... COMING EARLY THIS YEAR

Many people suffer when the days draw in, Daylight savings changes back to GMT and the weather, though that’s pretty unpredictable in the UK, turns colder but also cloudy, wet, fog and other light reducing atmospherics and just feels, well not very nice.

Its not yet the end of October but I am already feeling depressed when you open the curtains and see fog, the trees are barer and motivation seems hard to find.

OK I don’t have any proper jobs but I do sometimes need to get up and go out, which can be challenging but actually once you are up and out can seem bearable ............though don’t get me started on traffic jams, road works, people who cannot drive, stop in stupid places, drive with iced or misted up windows etc .................I appreciate they are the same stupid drivers who you get in summertime but the greyness makes them exponentially worse.

Perhaps more challenging is the staying at home with nothing much to do ............. just look I have had to write a blog to get me going !..................of course there are things to do, just that many of them don’t appear to motivate me. Washing, Ironing, Cleaning, emptying the bins, even switching the Robot Hoover on can all seem too difficult. My rationale for some of this, is with my new partner, who is so much better, as women usually are, at that sort of domestic stuff, and whilst not the modern man approach, I can quite easily rationalise that even if I have the time, it might upset her if I do some of the domestic work and I will certainly not do to the expected standard. I have however emptied the dishwasher before blogging so I can feel a sense of achievement that I probably don’t deserve.

One additional feature of living with another after many years of self, is that she works night shifts and there are some times of incompatibility as she sleeps and I am awake but without purpose.......................just thought of another excuse re household engineering, hoovering or other noisy stuff would be inconsiderate. 

The ability to rationalise yourself is quite large I find.

So is there any solution, I hear you ask .............well yes if I was rich, I would be taking my private jet to somewhere warm and sunny and spend a few months or more in my second or maybe even third or fourth home so avoiding winter, but alas I am not.

I can be indulgent and have comfort food and chocolate but I do that anyway .......I could look forward to crisp brighter days with some manageable snow but I dread that as bad knees and ice don’t mix.

I could cheer myself up by buying stuff, always a favourite, I could hope for snow so I can take the Jeep out around town where others struggle. Snow from inside 3 tons of car with four wheel drive, all terrain tyres, climate control and heated seats seems much more attractive.

There’s planning Christmas ............bah humbug (thanks Charlie), though this year promises to be different though unpredictable..........I must start thinking about presents now extended to my extended family in law for whom I have even less of an idea about what they like and dislike, some surfing time on “Christmas presents for new people” in Google seems an idea.

Maybe I need a shopping expedition to France soon (see last years blog), maybe I need a dog or a cat to keep me company .........oh no perhaps not got a woman for that now, but spending money is always attractive, oh yes got a woman to help with that as well......

Ah well no simple answers so maybe just make a sandwich and watch the telly, somewhere in 130 channels, recorded shows and on demand must be something interesting, maybe I will watch something I would not usually, keep “the little grey cells working” thanks Hercule.

Wait I feel a little better, the motivation from sitting down and creating a blog when you had no idea apart from the title seems to have worked, you dear readers may get a few more during the winter months ....................Goodbye from your scribe, for now.................summer is acoming.

THREE THEMES IN SEARCH OF AN AUTHOR

On reflecting on what to say in my next (thats this one) blog, I got distracted and sidelined to the extent that I didn't actually put finger to keyboard......the muse has deserted me, a sober inner voice said ....of course I ignored that and carried on anyway.

Some events that have happened to me ........... maybe I can make a vaguely related blog from them

Sold Sports Car and bought People Carrier
Got a Disabled Parking badge
My Girlfriend has moved in with me

Hmm .......................searching for mental links, DO NOT TOUCH THAT MOUSE, something will appear soon.

OK here goes, I thinks its change, the common factor that is and surprisingly they all do relate to the overall purpose of my blogging, which was to muse on getting older.

I have spoken about getting old and infirm before and the change of car does sort of fit into that. In simple terms I wanted a vehicle I could get in and out of rather easier ............. so lament the glories of the open top, the wind in my hair, the admiring glances of the passer-bys waiting for buses...........but embrace less painful knee bending and actually having room for luggage. And I have a car that has a warranty after Saab had  inconveniently gone bankrupt ............... I think Citroen is safe !

This links rather neatly to life changing consequences of now sharing one's home and life with a woman. I could embarrass her with various tales of me 'coping' with change eg

'where is the salt now?"
"Isn't it very hot in here ?"
"I can't find *********" (insert almost any household item)
"What do you mean you don't like Vampire and Zombie TV programs ! "
" NO I really don't like fish heads or tripe ,thank you darling"

On the upside my schedule or rut as some may prefer to call it, has been diverted, thinking for two again, after five years of sole sufficiency does require relearning. Add in some cross cultural issues, she is originally from Zimbabwe, and life gets interesting, demanding, exciting, frustrating ..... often all at the same time. But its very good having someone to share things with and we are adapting to agree our differences and work within them, but enjoying things like shopping, going out, staying in............. and sharing a cuddle etc in a new big 6ft bed.

The next challenge is Christmas, us two, her son and daughter, my daughter and son in law ...................... deciding what food(s) to have is the first decision, whatever happens it might just give some material for another blog.

That leaves the Disabled Parking Badge, I now have stopped complaining that there are so many at supermarkets etc, and have turned suspicious of others parking near me when I can't see their badge displayed prominently as required. I do really appreciate it, as it cuts down on walking and allows me to still get to places and hobble in. I also enjoy parking on Council Carparks or on street without paying and often without time limit ............. everyone should have that of course, but in the meantime until you get some disability you can just be mildly jealous.

I on the other hand rationalise that now I can get parking, I am saving the money the Council pays for free bus travel, as this has decreased.

No moral really, unless I reflect that when I started this blog, the subjects of today's epistle, would never have appeared on my list of things to write about ........................ here's to more days, weeks, months and hopefully years of change, bring it on, I can cope,

ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

Not that I need an excuse, but I have reached another milestone on the way to old age, or depending on your view of age, further into old age. I thought I would ramble a bit.


I am now 63, well strictly not until 20:30 as that was when I was born, so must really reflect quickly whilst I am still 62.


It is now 5 years since I took early retirement, oh how time flies, 4 years since my wife died and six months since I found a new relationship.


I have been elevated to Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union for the second year, guess no one else wants it. I have set up some forums, one for computing stuff for learners from the RCAN IT Champions Project and one for my off roading club. I recommend electronic communication and media to all young and old but remember that talking face to face still exists..


I have changed my car again ........ farewell Saab Convertible, ...............not much call for open top car this summer, but more so because age and a bad knee means its difficult to get down and up again from a sports car, and two people and luggage for a holiday don't fit.
What now ? I hear you ask ..........well  I have a Citroen C4 Grand Picasso, more mainstream, but enough Gallic charm and idiosyncratic engineering and design to make it desirable and I now have a warranty again unlike Saab which very inconveniently went bankrupt on me.


So partly this means I am acting my age a little more ........though I still have the Jeep for the Green Lanes, but even that is now a slightly more sensible diesel rather than the 4.7 litre V8 !


Still on the motoring front, I have been granted a Blue Badge because I cannot walk far and this does prove to be very useful in getting close to supermarket entrances and being allowed to park free in Nottingham and other City Centres, age and infirmity do have some occasional pleasures.


My ........ well I struggle to describe the new person in my life, girlfriend is OK but I am not sure if a lady can be a girl at 58, lady friend sounds sort of odd and makes me feel old again, which is definitely not the point, we are not as yet at the partner or live in lover stage but who knows............ maybe that's why we have names. 
Whatever she is called.........its a definite change since last birthday.


I already am now counting the days for another two years when I will get some money back from the Government (hopefully) as at 65 I get the Old Age Pension, I think I paid enough in taxes to deserve it, I just want to get to that milestone next. In the meantime I am pleased that various activities have continued and evolved and new doors occasionally open unexpectedly.


So I shall conclude this very unstructured blog with me deciding that I shall continue writing it, I shall try and enjoy whatever pleasures I can get and will try very, very hard not to be bored.


I am sure there is a notable saying or quote to be inserted here, but I cannot be bothered searching for one at the moment.
I will stick with "42".

Ironing Water and other Mysteries

Who knew I needed this, not me for sure, but apparently I do. In case there are others out there whose experience and knowledge is equally limited, it is ...... well its a bottle of water .....which you use to fill up the tank on a steam iron but wait .........its good for the iron and leaves your clothes smelling fresh. Ah how have I managed until now.........

This is but one example that occurs in everyday life when you enter into a relationship with someone new who comes with her own set of learned experiences. In the same way I have introduced her to a washing up liquid called Paic Citron. This I discovered many years ago and as far as I know you only get it in French Supermarkets but I won't buy anything else ........or will I

After my "on my own time" where I made all my own decisions without consultation, it is the perhaps small but unexpected changes that strike me and I confidently expect there are more of these differences to come.

Marriage Guidance and similar experts will tell you that most couples can deal with big things but sometimes little differences are the ones that break the camels back, so to speak. (no camels have been harmed by the writing of this blog)

Other random things I am noticing include, the use of foil in preference to cling film, washing cloth not sponge, and a difference in perception as to what "clean" is, though that may be a more general man vs woman thing.

Now those of a scientific bent, will know about temperature, the arithmetical expression of describing hot, cold, warm etc. So how do you explain "its cold........., no dear its fine" I await better weather, though this being England that may be a wish rather than a certainty, to see if the same perceptions apply as to when the aircon needs to be on. Thank goodness for cars with dual zone climate control

So each week brings new perspectives, which is good, I look forward to TV and musical differences, to soap, shampoo and toothpaste, what pattern is "nice" on duvet covers, and
I await that real test of a new relationship............how do I feel when my kitchen cupboards get rearranged ?

PLUS LE CHANGE .......CE N'EST PAS LE MEME CHOIX

Forgive me for adapted the well (?)  known saying, which effectively says that things change but in essence its still the same ........I beg to disagree and I will illustrate this by way of various things that have affected me in ways I never considered and some which might have significant impact in the future.

As usual I shall return to my serial musings and update any regular readers.

PEOPLE

Following on from the last entry where I related some experiences in the older person dating game............ should anyone be bothered ................I believe I have now found a lady to have a long term, well at our age, long term becomes a variable time horizon, relationship.

Ah very positive, I almost hear you murmuring supportingly, but the sheer extent of the change that this brings and might bring is potentially very significant.

Just a short list will I suggest suffice to illustrate this.

Having to consider another when making plans

Sharpening up my housekeeping

Increased my use of telephone, text communication channels, so I needed to change my plan, after many years of being on one that now no longer suited

Thinking of new things to do rather than the well worn paths that singledom allows

Adapting to someone else’s preferences in food, drink, toiletries, temperature etc etc

Looking forward, there is distinct prospects of even more change .......... living arrangements, holidays, meeting families and friends of the other etc

Please be assured that I am not thrown by this, well not much anyway, but that a settled existence is so quickly transformed to something new and different, means that change is now a reality not an abstract concept.

ECONOMICS ONE

On a wider front and connected with my work with Nottingham Credit Union, I am becoming aware that the economic situation is affecting people deeper and more significantly. The Government plan for Universal credits and in particular what is informally referred to as the ‘bedroom tax’ may affect many people. In essence people on benefits often get a Housing Benefit which essentially pays their rent to the Council, a social or private landlord.

The change is that if you rent a two bedroom flat at £x and live alone, you are likely to see your benefits cut to the level of a single bedroom flat at x minus some yet unknown percentage, but the landlords are unlikely to cut the rent and in some areas there is a very limited supply of one bed properties and hence people will be forced towards sharing accommodation. That is indeed a major change and unlike the previous section is not with a loved one but conceivably a stranger. Nice example of government decisions having large effects downstream.

ECONOMICS TWO

Lastly another economic factor, I refer to the ever increasing price of petrol and diesel. As a two car owner this makes me perhaps a little sensitive to criticism from those going down  the hybrid, electric and super efficient small cars. I would like to embrace such new technologies as readers will know, but .....................maybe not just yet as it would probably mean acquiring another vehicle and that could be a step too far for my conscience and financial viability, being a poor pensioner and with costs associated with item one above to consider.

In conclusion, I reiterate the opening, change happens, things change, better to be in positively than being dragged kicking and screaming in its wake ............. but then I do like to believe I have some modicum of free will and the ability to control some aspects of my destiny, despite other evidence to the contrary....................

LOOKING FOR LURV

I hesitated before writing this entry, I am still not sure about the title, but hey here goes anyway.

The hesitation was some quite deep learned behaviour that said “don’t talk about personal things with strangers”. A brief, but soon rationalised thought, about hurting others, but the other characters will remain anonymous .............and lastly the fear that my readers will learn something about me that could affect relationships with colleagues, fellow workers  etc in some way. Of course I rationalised quite easily that readers read blogs because they want to gain insights and would find it intriguing. If you are bored, disinterested and disappointed, then of course you can leave .

So onto the main plot. My last blog had me deciding I was not too old for new things and as previous entries happy chance came along for the ride.

The story unfolds thus. I was using Friends Reunited to try and trace someone from the past, I mean nearly 40 years ago and I succeeded. As a result we have made email contact and exchanged reminiscences and caught up where we are today.  On the way out of the site, I saw their advert for a sister place Friends Reunited Dating..................ah you’ve guessed, I clicked.

I wrote my profile, trying to be very honest, set my criteria and pressed search...........I was astonished to find 12 pages of matches ! Of course they needed filtering etc but that in a reasonable radius of me, were so many ladies looking for ........well that's the point what are they looking for?

Shortening this phase a bit, I soon mastered the software and set other parameters eg as I am 6’4” I set my minimum height at 5’3” and then trawled through the details, picking what they call my hot list, that still came to about 18 ladies.

Now this is clearly an imperfect system, but so is meeting people in other circumstances, whilst the matching has some logic to it, I found myself using the photos as a first filter. Now as I am not an athletic Adonis, I have no right to do this, but I did pick the ones who attracted me physically. I didn’t think this was correct but hey ho.

Now this site and others of the same ilk, keep interest up by telling you when someone views you and encourages messaging. I am unsure of the protocol for this, are the woman expecting the men to make the first approach as in real life ? It seems to be so. So imagine my thoughts when someone had viewed me and sent a short message. Wow

I replied, we started to check out each other via email, by this time we had shared email addresses to avoid going through the site all the time. In a short time R and I agreed to meet, my first date in 30+ years !

Now get ready for the truth, the rituals, the anxiety, the need to consider someone else again and the short journey to .......... keep reading all will be revealed.

R and I had seemed to hit it off, no awkward silences, plenty of things is common and also things different, potentially a good mix.

Summarising ........I felt good, I wanted to continue this, R did too and we moved on to other dates, texts, emails and phone calls. The experience was invigorating and I thank her for that, we talked about pretty deep stuff as well as more usual ‘what films do you like’ 

Alas there is no happy ending, R decided that “I would like you as a friend, but nothing else” and it was only then that it hit me, I was really looking for more. Leave aside the arguments that men and woman are less often just friends compared to men and men and women and women which I guess I believe............... relationship and dating can have different interpretations.

I had perhaps subconsciously thought that a relationship would build, but it could not survive by being static, I did, and indeed still do, want to be also more tactile and closer, in due course, and to become central in someone else's life. Not the only person obviously, many people at this age have children and even grandchildren and other non romantic friends. Most of the ladies’ profiles referred to ‘cuddling’ maybe this is some code, who knows, but my profile now says I would like that as well !

So in short we wanted different things and unlike the days of my youth I would not carry on in the hope that minds would change, that seemed a waste of limited time. I have become a more discerning dater than when young.  

We parted never to get further.  Well never say never, maybe she will wake up one day and realise what she has missed ..........ah dream on young sir, we are in Mills and Boons territory there..........

This also made we think of something I had never considered, divorced people, and the majority were, have a different experience from those widowed or never married.

The divorcees, well R anyway, had been hurt before and therefore I postulate, feel free to disagree, may be more distrusting and apprehensive of where its going, than people who had also suffered a loss but not one of their making and are perhaps more optimistic.

So I had by the usual randomness, at least clarified that I wanted a more ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship without the impetuousness of youth but with a positive ‘glass half full’ attitude to later life.

I owe R a debt for awakening me and I wish her well. So I am back on the market ladies, and have sent off messages to a number of other potential matches on the original and another site ................. watch this space for an update. “It is better to travel hopefully than arrive”  may be the outcome but also possibly my life can be improved with a suitable and simpatico person.

Bye for now and thanks for reading.

BARGAINS

At this time of the year you cannot escape the promise of 'the sale', the 'special offer', the 'BOGOFF' and any other marketing techniques designed to encourage you to spend money.

Now some people are great bargain hunters, my Mother used to shop for Christmas Cards, paper, tags, ribbon etc in January and put them away until the next Dec, she always got a good deal.

I have come to like bargains as well, not so organised as my Mother but now the Internet brings many more 'opportunities' to me daily and sometimes the promise of a special discount does tip the balance and when I sign up for something and get 40% off "today only" but then go via Quidco and get 70% cash back on the reduced price, I do feel a little smug. I would probably have purchased the service anyway, but the discounts made me grasp the nettle and decide there and then.

In hard economic times however some may find that conspicuous consummation has gone out of favour whilst others are tempted by the bargain and especially the easy ways to pay. As I have described in other entries I am Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union and we deal with a wide range of customers but some who are driven by the need to spend, " for the kids" especially at Christmas and need to borrow to pay for it, hopefully having cleared the debt from last Christmas. this is prudent for some and 'unashamed plug' we have reasonable rates.

These are however not the people to worry most about, its those who spend their credit cards to the max and face high interest rates or have to turn to the Payday loan companies, there seems to be significant increase in their advertising across all media now. Failure to manage that debt can attract interest rates in 1000's of % APR.

My wish for 2012 is that those who can manage and budget do so, (and any spare save with NCU )(www.nottinghamcu.co.uk ) and others seek to change their expectations and treat spending money not as right, but a skill.

New Year's homily over, .........next time ...well no idea yet, something will come to me. Travel hopefully in this new year.