ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

Not that I need an excuse, but I have reached another milestone on the way to old age, or depending on your view of age, further into old age. I thought I would ramble a bit.


I am now 63, well strictly not until 20:30 as that was when I was born, so must really reflect quickly whilst I am still 62.


It is now 5 years since I took early retirement, oh how time flies, 4 years since my wife died and six months since I found a new relationship.


I have been elevated to Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union for the second year, guess no one else wants it. I have set up some forums, one for computing stuff for learners from the RCAN IT Champions Project and one for my off roading club. I recommend electronic communication and media to all young and old but remember that talking face to face still exists..


I have changed my car again ........ farewell Saab Convertible, ...............not much call for open top car this summer, but more so because age and a bad knee means its difficult to get down and up again from a sports car, and two people and luggage for a holiday don't fit.
What now ? I hear you ask ..........well  I have a Citroen C4 Grand Picasso, more mainstream, but enough Gallic charm and idiosyncratic engineering and design to make it desirable and I now have a warranty again unlike Saab which very inconveniently went bankrupt on me.


So partly this means I am acting my age a little more ........though I still have the Jeep for the Green Lanes, but even that is now a slightly more sensible diesel rather than the 4.7 litre V8 !


Still on the motoring front, I have been granted a Blue Badge because I cannot walk far and this does prove to be very useful in getting close to supermarket entrances and being allowed to park free in Nottingham and other City Centres, age and infirmity do have some occasional pleasures.


My ........ well I struggle to describe the new person in my life, girlfriend is OK but I am not sure if a lady can be a girl at 58, lady friend sounds sort of odd and makes me feel old again, which is definitely not the point, we are not as yet at the partner or live in lover stage but who knows............ maybe that's why we have names. 
Whatever she is called.........its a definite change since last birthday.


I already am now counting the days for another two years when I will get some money back from the Government (hopefully) as at 65 I get the Old Age Pension, I think I paid enough in taxes to deserve it, I just want to get to that milestone next. In the meantime I am pleased that various activities have continued and evolved and new doors occasionally open unexpectedly.


So I shall conclude this very unstructured blog with me deciding that I shall continue writing it, I shall try and enjoy whatever pleasures I can get and will try very, very hard not to be bored.


I am sure there is a notable saying or quote to be inserted here, but I cannot be bothered searching for one at the moment.
I will stick with "42".

Ironing Water and other Mysteries

Who knew I needed this, not me for sure, but apparently I do. In case there are others out there whose experience and knowledge is equally limited, it is ...... well its a bottle of water .....which you use to fill up the tank on a steam iron but wait .........its good for the iron and leaves your clothes smelling fresh. Ah how have I managed until now.........

This is but one example that occurs in everyday life when you enter into a relationship with someone new who comes with her own set of learned experiences. In the same way I have introduced her to a washing up liquid called Paic Citron. This I discovered many years ago and as far as I know you only get it in French Supermarkets but I won't buy anything else ........or will I

After my "on my own time" where I made all my own decisions without consultation, it is the perhaps small but unexpected changes that strike me and I confidently expect there are more of these differences to come.

Marriage Guidance and similar experts will tell you that most couples can deal with big things but sometimes little differences are the ones that break the camels back, so to speak. (no camels have been harmed by the writing of this blog)

Other random things I am noticing include, the use of foil in preference to cling film, washing cloth not sponge, and a difference in perception as to what "clean" is, though that may be a more general man vs woman thing.

Now those of a scientific bent, will know about temperature, the arithmetical expression of describing hot, cold, warm etc. So how do you explain "its cold........., no dear its fine" I await better weather, though this being England that may be a wish rather than a certainty, to see if the same perceptions apply as to when the aircon needs to be on. Thank goodness for cars with dual zone climate control

So each week brings new perspectives, which is good, I look forward to TV and musical differences, to soap, shampoo and toothpaste, what pattern is "nice" on duvet covers, and
I await that real test of a new relationship............how do I feel when my kitchen cupboards get rearranged ?

PLUS LE CHANGE .......CE N'EST PAS LE MEME CHOIX

Forgive me for adapted the well (?)  known saying, which effectively says that things change but in essence its still the same ........I beg to disagree and I will illustrate this by way of various things that have affected me in ways I never considered and some which might have significant impact in the future.

As usual I shall return to my serial musings and update any regular readers.

PEOPLE

Following on from the last entry where I related some experiences in the older person dating game............ should anyone be bothered ................I believe I have now found a lady to have a long term, well at our age, long term becomes a variable time horizon, relationship.

Ah very positive, I almost hear you murmuring supportingly, but the sheer extent of the change that this brings and might bring is potentially very significant.

Just a short list will I suggest suffice to illustrate this.

Having to consider another when making plans

Sharpening up my housekeeping

Increased my use of telephone, text communication channels, so I needed to change my plan, after many years of being on one that now no longer suited

Thinking of new things to do rather than the well worn paths that singledom allows

Adapting to someone else’s preferences in food, drink, toiletries, temperature etc etc

Looking forward, there is distinct prospects of even more change .......... living arrangements, holidays, meeting families and friends of the other etc

Please be assured that I am not thrown by this, well not much anyway, but that a settled existence is so quickly transformed to something new and different, means that change is now a reality not an abstract concept.

ECONOMICS ONE

On a wider front and connected with my work with Nottingham Credit Union, I am becoming aware that the economic situation is affecting people deeper and more significantly. The Government plan for Universal credits and in particular what is informally referred to as the ‘bedroom tax’ may affect many people. In essence people on benefits often get a Housing Benefit which essentially pays their rent to the Council, a social or private landlord.

The change is that if you rent a two bedroom flat at £x and live alone, you are likely to see your benefits cut to the level of a single bedroom flat at x minus some yet unknown percentage, but the landlords are unlikely to cut the rent and in some areas there is a very limited supply of one bed properties and hence people will be forced towards sharing accommodation. That is indeed a major change and unlike the previous section is not with a loved one but conceivably a stranger. Nice example of government decisions having large effects downstream.

ECONOMICS TWO

Lastly another economic factor, I refer to the ever increasing price of petrol and diesel. As a two car owner this makes me perhaps a little sensitive to criticism from those going down  the hybrid, electric and super efficient small cars. I would like to embrace such new technologies as readers will know, but .....................maybe not just yet as it would probably mean acquiring another vehicle and that could be a step too far for my conscience and financial viability, being a poor pensioner and with costs associated with item one above to consider.

In conclusion, I reiterate the opening, change happens, things change, better to be in positively than being dragged kicking and screaming in its wake ............. but then I do like to believe I have some modicum of free will and the ability to control some aspects of my destiny, despite other evidence to the contrary....................

LOOKING FOR LURV

I hesitated before writing this entry, I am still not sure about the title, but hey here goes anyway.

The hesitation was some quite deep learned behaviour that said “don’t talk about personal things with strangers”. A brief, but soon rationalised thought, about hurting others, but the other characters will remain anonymous .............and lastly the fear that my readers will learn something about me that could affect relationships with colleagues, fellow workers  etc in some way. Of course I rationalised quite easily that readers read blogs because they want to gain insights and would find it intriguing. If you are bored, disinterested and disappointed, then of course you can leave .

So onto the main plot. My last blog had me deciding I was not too old for new things and as previous entries happy chance came along for the ride.

The story unfolds thus. I was using Friends Reunited to try and trace someone from the past, I mean nearly 40 years ago and I succeeded. As a result we have made email contact and exchanged reminiscences and caught up where we are today.  On the way out of the site, I saw their advert for a sister place Friends Reunited Dating..................ah you’ve guessed, I clicked.

I wrote my profile, trying to be very honest, set my criteria and pressed search...........I was astonished to find 12 pages of matches ! Of course they needed filtering etc but that in a reasonable radius of me, were so many ladies looking for ........well that's the point what are they looking for?

Shortening this phase a bit, I soon mastered the software and set other parameters eg as I am 6’4” I set my minimum height at 5’3” and then trawled through the details, picking what they call my hot list, that still came to about 18 ladies.

Now this is clearly an imperfect system, but so is meeting people in other circumstances, whilst the matching has some logic to it, I found myself using the photos as a first filter. Now as I am not an athletic Adonis, I have no right to do this, but I did pick the ones who attracted me physically. I didn’t think this was correct but hey ho.

Now this site and others of the same ilk, keep interest up by telling you when someone views you and encourages messaging. I am unsure of the protocol for this, are the woman expecting the men to make the first approach as in real life ? It seems to be so. So imagine my thoughts when someone had viewed me and sent a short message. Wow

I replied, we started to check out each other via email, by this time we had shared email addresses to avoid going through the site all the time. In a short time R and I agreed to meet, my first date in 30+ years !

Now get ready for the truth, the rituals, the anxiety, the need to consider someone else again and the short journey to .......... keep reading all will be revealed.

R and I had seemed to hit it off, no awkward silences, plenty of things is common and also things different, potentially a good mix.

Summarising ........I felt good, I wanted to continue this, R did too and we moved on to other dates, texts, emails and phone calls. The experience was invigorating and I thank her for that, we talked about pretty deep stuff as well as more usual ‘what films do you like’ 

Alas there is no happy ending, R decided that “I would like you as a friend, but nothing else” and it was only then that it hit me, I was really looking for more. Leave aside the arguments that men and woman are less often just friends compared to men and men and women and women which I guess I believe............... relationship and dating can have different interpretations.

I had perhaps subconsciously thought that a relationship would build, but it could not survive by being static, I did, and indeed still do, want to be also more tactile and closer, in due course, and to become central in someone else's life. Not the only person obviously, many people at this age have children and even grandchildren and other non romantic friends. Most of the ladies’ profiles referred to ‘cuddling’ maybe this is some code, who knows, but my profile now says I would like that as well !

So in short we wanted different things and unlike the days of my youth I would not carry on in the hope that minds would change, that seemed a waste of limited time. I have become a more discerning dater than when young.  

We parted never to get further.  Well never say never, maybe she will wake up one day and realise what she has missed ..........ah dream on young sir, we are in Mills and Boons territory there..........

This also made we think of something I had never considered, divorced people, and the majority were, have a different experience from those widowed or never married.

The divorcees, well R anyway, had been hurt before and therefore I postulate, feel free to disagree, may be more distrusting and apprehensive of where its going, than people who had also suffered a loss but not one of their making and are perhaps more optimistic.

So I had by the usual randomness, at least clarified that I wanted a more ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship without the impetuousness of youth but with a positive ‘glass half full’ attitude to later life.

I owe R a debt for awakening me and I wish her well. So I am back on the market ladies, and have sent off messages to a number of other potential matches on the original and another site ................. watch this space for an update. “It is better to travel hopefully than arrive”  may be the outcome but also possibly my life can be improved with a suitable and simpatico person.

Bye for now and thanks for reading.

BARGAINS

At this time of the year you cannot escape the promise of 'the sale', the 'special offer', the 'BOGOFF' and any other marketing techniques designed to encourage you to spend money.

Now some people are great bargain hunters, my Mother used to shop for Christmas Cards, paper, tags, ribbon etc in January and put them away until the next Dec, she always got a good deal.

I have come to like bargains as well, not so organised as my Mother but now the Internet brings many more 'opportunities' to me daily and sometimes the promise of a special discount does tip the balance and when I sign up for something and get 40% off "today only" but then go via Quidco and get 70% cash back on the reduced price, I do feel a little smug. I would probably have purchased the service anyway, but the discounts made me grasp the nettle and decide there and then.

In hard economic times however some may find that conspicuous consummation has gone out of favour whilst others are tempted by the bargain and especially the easy ways to pay. As I have described in other entries I am Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union and we deal with a wide range of customers but some who are driven by the need to spend, " for the kids" especially at Christmas and need to borrow to pay for it, hopefully having cleared the debt from last Christmas. this is prudent for some and 'unashamed plug' we have reasonable rates.

These are however not the people to worry most about, its those who spend their credit cards to the max and face high interest rates or have to turn to the Payday loan companies, there seems to be significant increase in their advertising across all media now. Failure to manage that debt can attract interest rates in 1000's of % APR.

My wish for 2012 is that those who can manage and budget do so, (and any spare save with NCU )(www.nottinghamcu.co.uk ) and others seek to change their expectations and treat spending money not as right, but a skill.

New Year's homily over, .........next time ...well no idea yet, something will come to me. Travel hopefully in this new year.

Feeling Old in Ikea

I felt old today..... yes I know I am old, the flush of youth and middle age has passed by, but despite minor considerations,  I never considered my self an old person who needs help until..........the visit to Ikea.

Now I have along with many others used Ikea's since its early days in the UK, even travelling to the first store at Warrington and I like the Swedish design and the good prices, but less so the instructions on furniture.......but we won't go there this time.

This time I only wanted two shower rubber mats, maybe that was the first sign, I felt the need for some solid material under my feet........but we, well I, digress. Parking, walking across to the Store, I decided that shower mats would be in the bathroom section ............ah you guessed they were nowhere to be seen. A bit of a wander around failed to locate the elusive articles, so I had to eventually ask an assistant. The directions took me back to the children's section, clearly my mind and/or vision were also sub optimal. I could not see any bright blue mats, ......then I had a brainwave, I would go to the warehouse area, they often have piles of stuff there, and as this was at a special price for Ikea Family customers .......I limped along hopefully.

I checked the computer for the said article and lo it came up with a location which read "Ikea Family" not the usual aisle 24 G8 type location.

Regular readers may know about my knee and the thought of a trek back was not attractive.......but wait I still had no ideas where the Ikea Family section was located. So to another assistant. Leaning convincingly on my stick I asked for help. She was charming and helpful, telephoning to check they were in stock, seeking to get someone to bring them back to me, and having failed went to fetch them herself, whilst I found a convenient chair to rest on.

So a happy ending and an example of great service, but why then did it feel that I was now in the "old and infirm who need help with their shopping" category...............and that did make me feel old, I suspect that reducing independence and need to compromise on what you do, or having to ask for help, is what really makes the reality real.

The mind is willing, the flesh is weak.

CHOCOLATE AND BREAD

Who doesn’t like these two things ? Well I was actually surprised when talking to a friend, I was explaining that I was going to France for some Beaujolais Noveau and other stuff and I said that I was going for trip over the Border into Belgium for some chocolates, to which he revealed the fact that he never eats chocolate.........I had not ever imagined that anyone was immune to the lure of fine chocolate.

I am probably verging on being a chocoholic, I suspect it goes back to my slightly deprived childhood and the post war period when chocolate was expensive and not available as easily as today.

Anyone who has read the book or seen the film ‘chocolat’ will be aware that this is based on the premise that good chocolate is an art but also has the ingredients to fix many human conditions. By the way the book is much better than the film, but I digress, there is certainly a ‘buzz’ from eating the stuff and I admit to eating chocolate when bored, tired, upset, anxious etc.

However whilst all chocolate is welcome, except perhaps bars of white chocolate, Uggh, a Kit Kat or a Cadburys flake is pleasant.......ever noticed how shape changes something, thus a finger of Kit Kat is different to chunky ones, a Twirl and a Flake are essentially similar but different folds, an Aero has different bubble sizes to a Wispa.......and it really does effect the taste.............but there is a quantum leap when you start sampling  individually made  chocolates. In this country Thornton's do a passable confection,  go to an outlet store or otherwise seek out the mishapes, often half price,..............but still they pales into insignificance against ones from Belgium.

I probably spent too much, ..... excellence always costs, and came back with 4 kilos assorted. One for my daughter for Christmas, she seems to have inherited my chocolate gene, one for my friends at Nottingham Credit Union, and two for me.......though one has somehow got eaten already !

Clearly self control may be required, or maybe I was just in need of the magical properties, who knows.

Ah I hear you say what about Bread ?..........well I firstly thought I would muse on the niceness of fresh baked bread, french bread with cheese etc but a ham sandwich doesn’t really appear in the same league as chocolate.

Enjoy your Christmas selection boxes but if you get any fine chocolates as well, then don’t try them together, one will come out wanting......you know it makes sense !