LOOKING FOR LURV

I hesitated before writing this entry, I am still not sure about the title, but hey here goes anyway.

The hesitation was some quite deep learned behaviour that said “don’t talk about personal things with strangers”. A brief, but soon rationalised thought, about hurting others, but the other characters will remain anonymous .............and lastly the fear that my readers will learn something about me that could affect relationships with colleagues, fellow workers  etc in some way. Of course I rationalised quite easily that readers read blogs because they want to gain insights and would find it intriguing. If you are bored, disinterested and disappointed, then of course you can leave .

So onto the main plot. My last blog had me deciding I was not too old for new things and as previous entries happy chance came along for the ride.

The story unfolds thus. I was using Friends Reunited to try and trace someone from the past, I mean nearly 40 years ago and I succeeded. As a result we have made email contact and exchanged reminiscences and caught up where we are today.  On the way out of the site, I saw their advert for a sister place Friends Reunited Dating..................ah you’ve guessed, I clicked.

I wrote my profile, trying to be very honest, set my criteria and pressed search...........I was astonished to find 12 pages of matches ! Of course they needed filtering etc but that in a reasonable radius of me, were so many ladies looking for ........well that's the point what are they looking for?

Shortening this phase a bit, I soon mastered the software and set other parameters eg as I am 6’4” I set my minimum height at 5’3” and then trawled through the details, picking what they call my hot list, that still came to about 18 ladies.

Now this is clearly an imperfect system, but so is meeting people in other circumstances, whilst the matching has some logic to it, I found myself using the photos as a first filter. Now as I am not an athletic Adonis, I have no right to do this, but I did pick the ones who attracted me physically. I didn’t think this was correct but hey ho.

Now this site and others of the same ilk, keep interest up by telling you when someone views you and encourages messaging. I am unsure of the protocol for this, are the woman expecting the men to make the first approach as in real life ? It seems to be so. So imagine my thoughts when someone had viewed me and sent a short message. Wow

I replied, we started to check out each other via email, by this time we had shared email addresses to avoid going through the site all the time. In a short time R and I agreed to meet, my first date in 30+ years !

Now get ready for the truth, the rituals, the anxiety, the need to consider someone else again and the short journey to .......... keep reading all will be revealed.

R and I had seemed to hit it off, no awkward silences, plenty of things is common and also things different, potentially a good mix.

Summarising ........I felt good, I wanted to continue this, R did too and we moved on to other dates, texts, emails and phone calls. The experience was invigorating and I thank her for that, we talked about pretty deep stuff as well as more usual ‘what films do you like’ 

Alas there is no happy ending, R decided that “I would like you as a friend, but nothing else” and it was only then that it hit me, I was really looking for more. Leave aside the arguments that men and woman are less often just friends compared to men and men and women and women which I guess I believe............... relationship and dating can have different interpretations.

I had perhaps subconsciously thought that a relationship would build, but it could not survive by being static, I did, and indeed still do, want to be also more tactile and closer, in due course, and to become central in someone else's life. Not the only person obviously, many people at this age have children and even grandchildren and other non romantic friends. Most of the ladies’ profiles referred to ‘cuddling’ maybe this is some code, who knows, but my profile now says I would like that as well !

So in short we wanted different things and unlike the days of my youth I would not carry on in the hope that minds would change, that seemed a waste of limited time. I have become a more discerning dater than when young.  

We parted never to get further.  Well never say never, maybe she will wake up one day and realise what she has missed ..........ah dream on young sir, we are in Mills and Boons territory there..........

This also made we think of something I had never considered, divorced people, and the majority were, have a different experience from those widowed or never married.

The divorcees, well R anyway, had been hurt before and therefore I postulate, feel free to disagree, may be more distrusting and apprehensive of where its going, than people who had also suffered a loss but not one of their making and are perhaps more optimistic.

So I had by the usual randomness, at least clarified that I wanted a more ‘deep and meaningful’ relationship without the impetuousness of youth but with a positive ‘glass half full’ attitude to later life.

I owe R a debt for awakening me and I wish her well. So I am back on the market ladies, and have sent off messages to a number of other potential matches on the original and another site ................. watch this space for an update. “It is better to travel hopefully than arrive”  may be the outcome but also possibly my life can be improved with a suitable and simpatico person.

Bye for now and thanks for reading.

BARGAINS

At this time of the year you cannot escape the promise of 'the sale', the 'special offer', the 'BOGOFF' and any other marketing techniques designed to encourage you to spend money.

Now some people are great bargain hunters, my Mother used to shop for Christmas Cards, paper, tags, ribbon etc in January and put them away until the next Dec, she always got a good deal.

I have come to like bargains as well, not so organised as my Mother but now the Internet brings many more 'opportunities' to me daily and sometimes the promise of a special discount does tip the balance and when I sign up for something and get 40% off "today only" but then go via Quidco and get 70% cash back on the reduced price, I do feel a little smug. I would probably have purchased the service anyway, but the discounts made me grasp the nettle and decide there and then.

In hard economic times however some may find that conspicuous consummation has gone out of favour whilst others are tempted by the bargain and especially the easy ways to pay. As I have described in other entries I am Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union and we deal with a wide range of customers but some who are driven by the need to spend, " for the kids" especially at Christmas and need to borrow to pay for it, hopefully having cleared the debt from last Christmas. this is prudent for some and 'unashamed plug' we have reasonable rates.

These are however not the people to worry most about, its those who spend their credit cards to the max and face high interest rates or have to turn to the Payday loan companies, there seems to be significant increase in their advertising across all media now. Failure to manage that debt can attract interest rates in 1000's of % APR.

My wish for 2012 is that those who can manage and budget do so, (and any spare save with NCU )(www.nottinghamcu.co.uk ) and others seek to change their expectations and treat spending money not as right, but a skill.

New Year's homily over, .........next time ...well no idea yet, something will come to me. Travel hopefully in this new year.

Feeling Old in Ikea

I felt old today..... yes I know I am old, the flush of youth and middle age has passed by, but despite minor considerations,  I never considered my self an old person who needs help until..........the visit to Ikea.

Now I have along with many others used Ikea's since its early days in the UK, even travelling to the first store at Warrington and I like the Swedish design and the good prices, but less so the instructions on furniture.......but we won't go there this time.

This time I only wanted two shower rubber mats, maybe that was the first sign, I felt the need for some solid material under my feet........but we, well I, digress. Parking, walking across to the Store, I decided that shower mats would be in the bathroom section ............ah you guessed they were nowhere to be seen. A bit of a wander around failed to locate the elusive articles, so I had to eventually ask an assistant. The directions took me back to the children's section, clearly my mind and/or vision were also sub optimal. I could not see any bright blue mats, ......then I had a brainwave, I would go to the warehouse area, they often have piles of stuff there, and as this was at a special price for Ikea Family customers .......I limped along hopefully.

I checked the computer for the said article and lo it came up with a location which read "Ikea Family" not the usual aisle 24 G8 type location.

Regular readers may know about my knee and the thought of a trek back was not attractive.......but wait I still had no ideas where the Ikea Family section was located. So to another assistant. Leaning convincingly on my stick I asked for help. She was charming and helpful, telephoning to check they were in stock, seeking to get someone to bring them back to me, and having failed went to fetch them herself, whilst I found a convenient chair to rest on.

So a happy ending and an example of great service, but why then did it feel that I was now in the "old and infirm who need help with their shopping" category...............and that did make me feel old, I suspect that reducing independence and need to compromise on what you do, or having to ask for help, is what really makes the reality real.

The mind is willing, the flesh is weak.

CHOCOLATE AND BREAD

Who doesn’t like these two things ? Well I was actually surprised when talking to a friend, I was explaining that I was going to France for some Beaujolais Noveau and other stuff and I said that I was going for trip over the Border into Belgium for some chocolates, to which he revealed the fact that he never eats chocolate.........I had not ever imagined that anyone was immune to the lure of fine chocolate.

I am probably verging on being a chocoholic, I suspect it goes back to my slightly deprived childhood and the post war period when chocolate was expensive and not available as easily as today.

Anyone who has read the book or seen the film ‘chocolat’ will be aware that this is based on the premise that good chocolate is an art but also has the ingredients to fix many human conditions. By the way the book is much better than the film, but I digress, there is certainly a ‘buzz’ from eating the stuff and I admit to eating chocolate when bored, tired, upset, anxious etc.

However whilst all chocolate is welcome, except perhaps bars of white chocolate, Uggh, a Kit Kat or a Cadburys flake is pleasant.......ever noticed how shape changes something, thus a finger of Kit Kat is different to chunky ones, a Twirl and a Flake are essentially similar but different folds, an Aero has different bubble sizes to a Wispa.......and it really does effect the taste.............but there is a quantum leap when you start sampling  individually made  chocolates. In this country Thornton's do a passable confection,  go to an outlet store or otherwise seek out the mishapes, often half price,..............but still they pales into insignificance against ones from Belgium.

I probably spent too much, ..... excellence always costs, and came back with 4 kilos assorted. One for my daughter for Christmas, she seems to have inherited my chocolate gene, one for my friends at Nottingham Credit Union, and two for me.......though one has somehow got eaten already !

Clearly self control may be required, or maybe I was just in need of the magical properties, who knows.

Ah I hear you say what about Bread ?..........well I firstly thought I would muse on the niceness of fresh baked bread, french bread with cheese etc but a ham sandwich doesn’t really appear in the same league as chocolate.

Enjoy your Christmas selection boxes but if you get any fine chocolates as well, then don’t try them together, one will come out wanting......you know it makes sense !

CULTURE SHOCK

The same but different, familiar but strange ......... pick your own saying, what I am blogging today is a close encounter with the French personality.

Lets begin at the beginning. I had decided that it was time for a short trip to France to replenish my wine cellar, OK cupboard and fridge....as I was quite depleted and it was Beaujolais Noveau time. Yes I know that there is not the same fuss regarding this as in the past but it is a quite pleasant wine, I never have pretended to be an expert. On learning about this my daughter decided she would come too, as she was responsible for my shortness of supplies, I live in the hope that having got her own she might not raid mine so frequently.

We booked the Ferry, £58 return for car plus two, a good deal and a small, what in this country we would call a B&B, but Auberge sounds so much classier. This was situated in the hinterland behind Calais and Dunquerke towards St Omer, for those who know the area, in a small village.

The adventure started here, the fog had settled at Dover, we set off hoping the Captain had his radar and satnav in good order and arrived to quite thick gloom which increased as the sun set.

The more we got into the country and travelled along narrow roads with canals and big ditches,  either side, crash barriers being obviously optional extras, the slower we went. However we made it albeit slowly and reached the right village only to be greeted by a deviation sign on the road we wanted to enter...... we deviated as requested and after some even narrower lanes, one of which was unpaved, no matter we were in the Jeep which is designed and modified for such terrain, and reached the correct ‘rue’. Expecting a sign of some kind we drove slowly up and back down this road, resorting eventually to calling into a house and seeking directions which put us back in the right direction. It seemed to be sometime after we discovered what we thought might be the Auberge. A rustic style building at the end of a farmyard.

My French isn’t great but I managed to ensure we were in the right place and the lady did indeed expect us.

There was a big room, part of which was lit and seated round the kitchen table were four people having their tea. We were shown our rooms, twice or more the space of a Campanile or similar and invited to join them for a drink. The party consisted of Madame the owner, what turned out to be a Belgium couple and another man who we never discovered who he was, he might have been Madame’s husband but not sure.

Only one spoke English and from the appearance and the name I jumped to the conclusion that she was a man, possibly a transvestite and with the other Belgium...........I was so wrong, she turned out to a’ lady and he her husband ! I blame the name, she said she was Michelle which sounds the same in French as Michel. The dog was, well a big friendly dog, he was a Belgium dog called “Edelweiss” or “edy” who seemed to like us and shedding hair everywhere.

We were offered some wine, well in fact we had unknowingly purchased a bottle, ‘pas de problem ‘ as the French say and thus started the first night of a sometimes surreal conversation.

They were all interested in us, more of which later, and we explained our mission and what we were going to buy. It was I admit a strange list. Wine of course, Cidre, Cheeses, but also a washing up liquid called Paic Citron XL, I had discovered this many years ago and have bought it on every trip to France since. This caused great amusement, why would anyone come to France to buy a common washing up liquid ?

At some pause we were asked if we wanted something to eat, given the fog etc we were not inclined to venture out again and agreed. Madame asked what would we like and pointing the the dish that they had been eating indicated that it was this or nothing. She took it away to reheat. It was very nice and accompanied by fresh French bread. We talked for a little time, explaining that we came from Nottingham, “where Robin Hood comes from,” seems to be the best description to use. 

It was about nine o’clock when Madame suddenly decided to go to each of our rooms and switch the lights on and as far as I could tell, we were effectively sent to bed !after having fixed breakfast time !

We slept well, might have been the wine or just tired from the journey, and so dawned the second day.

Things always look better in the daylight and we saw the gardens where there were chickens, ducks, and peacocks. Madame brought fresh bread straight from the baker to us and what I think was yesterday’s bread for the fowl.

The unknown older gentleman appeared for coffee and brought us a photocopied map on which he identified the hypermarches in all directions, a most kindly thought.

We went forth and covered the Belgium chocolate shop near the border, two Auchun and a Carrefour as well as the CIte d’Europe. We had lunch at the Flunch, a chain of restaurants everywhere, tip - if you want a good but inexpensive meal the supermarket cafes are unbeatable.

We returned, I had bought some Belgium chocolates for them all which seemed to go down well and at seven o’clock joined the two Belgiums and Madame for dinner. Again simple fare you have what was presented but quite agreeable and some very nice cheese 

The dinner and apres dinner conversations carried on, Madame was in her stride, she asked about my daughter’s marital status and when she was having babies, she asked me why I was fat, what I did etc etc. Michelle who had to translate some of this, I got bits but somethings were beyond my vocabulary, and she apologized, in English, for the French habit of asking what might be considered impolite questions.

Despite everything we did find things to talk about, Madame was great fan of Winston Churchill and General de Gaulle, and then somehow we got into the differences in language, especially of animal noises ie ducks go ‘quack’ in UK, canards go ‘coin coin’ in French. There are apparently country specific ways of saying ‘cock a doodle doo’ and the same for others, I think we did sheep, lambs, cows, horses, dogs and chickens

The rest was equally surreal and whilst I could not see it personally, it seems that everytime Madame got up and went into the kitchen the others could see her opening the fridge and swigging from a bottle. This may have explained her style of conversation. Jean-Claude the Belgium husband, who was evidently someone important as he got calls on his mobile every 15 minutes throughout the evening, we made a joke regarding when the next one would arrive.

That night we were not sent to bed but about 11:00pm we sent ourselves, in all an enjoyable and quite new experience we shall remember, anyway the moral if there is in fact one is try and fit in with your hosts and those of other countries, don’t expect France to be England with better wine, be able to speak on history, politics, philosophy etc not just whats happening in Coronation Street.

And come away with a good feeling............. onwards to Auchun for fresh stuff, before boarding the ferry and with two rooms, two nights, wine and drinks and dinners and breakfasts for only €180 !

Viv La France, Vive la difference

JUST AVERAGELY SUCCESSFUL

I think I am average, or maybe I have just had to admit that I am not anything else.Not a failure not a great success, just middling. 

In the AR (after retirement) period of life things change but I have actually been able to fulfill some ambitions that had eluded me in my working life.

I have become firstly the Director for Human Resources and now as well as that, the Chair of the Board .with Nottingham Credit Union (www.nottinghamcu.co.uk)........... in fact I understand that I am strictly speaking The President, .......well now President Pattman does sound quite nice............ though perhaps a bit grand, or just a little bit grand, or actually quite OK. You dear reader may choose.

 But these titles have been achieved in voluntary work, so whilst I may be a Director and in the Financial world, I have and never will get a high salary and lots of bonuses.....no share options or company cars or private jets, I still really fancy a private jet though !

This thread of thought was kick started, as I in a moment of pessimism and melancholy, thats getting older for you, you can think too much......... was writing a letter to my daughter ......... but only to be opened when I am dead, so she will have to wait. It did however cause reflections on what is success.

I made what is called Senior Management, I owned my own home,building up and taking advantage of the housing price increases, ah what happy days when you bought a house and sold it in a few years and made 30% + profits. I married and was pretty happy most of the time and had a child, I was in work most of the time in interesting organisations and I learnt a lot, some of which is still useful.

I travelled a bit but not as far as I would have liked, I never got to live abroad and its too late now..........

Of course money and possessions are important to many, the few self contented individuals, these living in harmony with nature and perhaps those with deep religious .......(we won’t go there though) .........convictions or values appreciate more abstract pleasures  and achievements.......I however like things as my previous blog entries will testify.

Others value friendships, family etc and I find myself lacking rather on both counts. Friends drift away when the bond of common workplaces is removed, families break up, people die or just move elsewhere. I used to have friends, I think but no more, not in the sense that the relationship would survive change in jobs, status, home etc

One bright spot is my daughter is getting married so I will become a Father in Law and acquire a Son in Law so you that’s something I haven’t done before !

I think my trouble is that I don’t like being ordinary, I don’t want to drive the same car as many, so avoid Ford, Vauxhall and other high volume manufacturers, I like having titles........... they may not define your inner self or others may not be impressed but without our labels what are we ?

As you get older your status in Society changes, I still don’t like having to tick the box that says “Widower” on forms. I quite like my free bus pass, but still think the bus is full of old people and I don’t see myself like them. My delusion I know. 

I dread the day when I am no longer active mentally or physically, but especially mentally, enough to have positions of influence, that’s when I will know its time to go..........but maybe not just yet .............but its still good to think about these things and prepare. 

I have time and freedom, sufficient money not to worry too much about spending it...the old saying is right you can’t take it with you, as is the one that says, its what you do with it that matters, in the bank its just numbers on a spreadsheet, but as I don’t know how long I have then planning becomes more difficult .........

So may questions, so few answers, the world is unpredictable, it always has been, so I will settle for being average, but continue to seek for success, however it is measured.

MISCELLANEOUS MISCELLANIES

I was conscious that I had not posted a new blog for sometime.........I have had ideas, but age intervenes and unless I write it down or do it, sometimes the thought for an article just vanishes.

So I though just a short series of comments....at this point I have no more idea than you dear reader have, of what’s coming next. So lets travel into the uncharted territory that is Malcolm’s mind, with hope and best wishes or sceptism or boredom.... your choice.

VEHICLES

I have swapped the Volvo for a Saab convertible, bright red. The reasoning was an unfortunate experience with the Volvo, which was compounded by it being out of warranty.

A mechanic was resetting the car;s computer, all modern cars are packed to the gunwales with tech stuff, and somehow the drivers door disappeared ............well virtually disappeared, physically it was still there, I could open and close it .....but all the buttons that controlled the windows, mirrors, central locking on the drivers door didn’t work, the computer said it didn’t have a door and that was that. Two days in the main dealership, lots of expensive labour and expensive parts it was restored to health, but don’t you always feel a sense of loss of confidence, when what was done was essentially throw away a box of electronics and fit a new one. I am not convinced that the Volvo mechanics have any idea of why and what was the problem.

I therefore decided on a new(ish) car with warranty and after many happy hours looking at models and specifications, I decided that I must stick with a convertible for those days of English Summer sunshine that appear between the thunderstorms and hurricanes. Hence the SAAB 9-3 which has two and a half years of warranty..........assuming that SAAB doesn’t go bankrupt in the meantime........it really does prove that you can’t know the future. 

Just to make the story a bit longer, I have also bought a New Jeep, the old one seems to like overheating and cost of fixing it again, three previous attempts having not solved, is more that the car is worth. So now I have to get offroading bits transferred over, change insurance,etc etc..............and then selling the old Jeep for spares or repairs, good deal to anyone interested.

NEW CHAIR FOR NOTTINGHAM CREDIT UNION

Yes thats me............................I stood for election at a Board meeting I couldn’t attend and got voted in.......

Interesting new perspective, I now have to pay more attention to the accountants and all their figures, but I do hope to take a more holistic and inclusive view in the changing financial world. 

As no one else wanted it, I still remain as Director for Human Resources, so I can talk to myself about people things, at least there are no difficulties in having meetings..........unless half of me is somehow unavailable !

RETIRED ROBOT

The Robomow lawn robot has been sold on. Not a case of losing faith in technology but because of some landscaping I now don't have a lawn, but paving and pebbles, artistically arranged to my design.

The motivation was to due to my increasing difficulty in bending and walking very far ...........what I really need is to be robotised myself, anyone remember the $6m dollar man ? I am ready for some bionic bits, but don't think the NHS has a budget for that.

EYES

A fascinating experience at the optometrist, this was paid for by the NHS, lots of clever machines to tell me that my blind spot was outside the norm, that I had thick optic nerves fibres but that I was OK, so not going blind just yet.

So another day, small victories, setbacks overcome and still got most of my marbles...........see you soon, I shall write down my inspirations as they occur.