WHAT PRICE ON LOVE ?

I had an unusual and for me unique experience recently, I was asked for Lobola, it means the price that a man pays for his wife to the Father when she is wed. Traditionally set in cows, the practice has in one respect only, been updated to cash, it is unclear whether electronic payments and cards have been added to the tradition !

The request comes from the eldest brother (her Father being deceased) of my partner, who I have referred to in other blogs, and thus this becomes an interesting situation both personally and philosophically.

Respect for customs of others is good, but belief in the unalienable right is not. Lets rehearse some arguments.

The lady is question attracted lebowla previously when she was young, that relationship failed and I do not know if a refund was given because the husband no longer had the services of the wife, that makes some logical sense, but then sense and tradition do not always meet.

En passant it is interesting to compare this practice with the English version in olden days of the bride coming with a dowry i.e. an complete opposite. (Maybe I should have asked for a dowry !)

So we are led to the conclusion that this is a cultural thing which even modern men and women in Zimbabwe and in other parts of Africa still hold onto despite the women often being highly educated and intelligent and whom you might suppose would also resent being sold ............ for what we have is a form of slavery, the man buys a wife who is then his property. Now lets not blame Africa, the status of women has changed, similar attitudes existed and may still exist in Western or other countries, until quite recently. I can remember in my lifetime when a woman's income was added to her husbands tax return !

So the practice is out of date and demeaning to the woman and indeed the man who agrees to pay it, this is human trafficking and human rights trumps ethnic beliefs.

The world moves on, mores and customs change and need to adapt to the modern age.

That might be all that is needed to say but lets explore a little further, applying this to 'older second or more times around' couples, is not even logical. Did the late husband get a refund when his wife left him ? If not then a woman could be sold multiple times, in fact on purely commercial grounds it would be a good idea for the Father to encourage separation and then resell the daughter.

So I have objection on several counts, there may well be more

1. Outdated and questionable traditions should not be supported
2. Woman are not chattels they are independent people
3.  Slavery is illegal in all civilised countries
4.  I doubt that the practice was supposed to deal with second or third relationships, people died    young, so people living longer there is not even a discount for time left !
5. How can you possibly put a price on love

I therefore refused to discuss the matter and I refuse to equate a failure to comply, as an insult. We never got to price but I might just ask what the OAP discount is ! After all you don't buy anything with knowing what is the cost. But buying and selling people is just not right.

Comments from readers welcomed and I hope that I have not shone a light under too many stones and insulted or embarrassed anyone, but I do stand with this blog unequivocally.

P is for Politics

I felt the need for a change in blog, too much 'I am old and disabled' stuff perhaps, though do not rule out more in that theme if the muse summons me.

So I though a bit of politics. Now I never been terribly active, once stood for the Parish Council in Camblesforth in Yorkshire, but failed to get elected, so more recently confine myself to browsing BBC News etc.

Then I got a letter from David, yes the one who is currently PM,.......... he seemed very keen to hear from me what he ought to do in the next Parliament if he wins, I did read the letter but declined to comment. I already know who I am going to vote for as my MP and as it happens he is a Labour Man, but whilst I cannot accept what the Tory's want to do, or rather do without, Europe especially and equally would not usually vote Labour, their track record of running the country is also nothing to be proud about, I will vote Labour.

Rather than a national party, I am voting for an MP who previously represented my constituency in Broxtowe, lost out at the last election by a very narrow margin, but is standing again, Nick Palmer.

Now I have never meet Mr Palmer, but I feel I know him as he started regular bulletins distributed by email, in which he explains issues clearly and which I follow. Also whilst not being MP, he has continued to assist the people of the borough and I have formed the impression that he is the type of MP I want. That is one who believes that he actually does represent the people of his constituency and his loyalty is to them not just to the party machine. We will see if he succeeds.

The other political interest is the Scottish Independence Referendum due shortly. This is because I was brought up and went to school in Scotland from six months old until I was 17. However I cannot vote, as I was not born there and do not stay there now, unlike my sister who lives in France but was born in Scotland, who can vote.

I am unsure why I am interested, I don't believe I shall move to Scotland, though that is not impossible, but I am attracted by the idea of more devolution and Scotland is more than just an English Region. The practicalities are of course huge, but I hope the people vote so that these can then be debated with the Scots and the English and Welsh having their say. Interesting times.

Having spent a few months in the USA, and with the possibility that I could move there perhaps, I take a passing interest in their politics, which appears to be both too simple i.e. only two parties and too complex with all sorts of what we might see as Local Government posts being up for election and of course if you watch America TV programs the impression of corruption, incompetent officials etc seems to be there. But lets be thankful we are not in Russia nor even China, and definitely not in the emerging Islamic states. I have no problems with people having their beliefs but the French got it right when the Church and State were very clearly separated. Government of the People, for the People, by the People. I appreciate that those of religious beliefs would disagree but ...........

Thank you for reading, do post any comments and tell your friends and if you have suitable topics for a Musing then I may be persuaded to take it up.

MOBILITY STORY 2

A follow up for readers of the last blog. Having gained some expertise on mobility scooters ….. the difference between Class 2 and Class 3 for example, but failing to see what makes one brand twice the price of another ….on reflection its probably about a Mercedes and a Vauxhall, more bells and whistle, bigger batteries, full leather upholstery etc etc. In any event I had to make some decisions, one, did I want to stay on the pavements and thus restricted to 4 mph or two on road which can propel at 8 mpg and has lights, indicators and mirrors. There are even all terrain models with big tyres and uprated suspension, deja vu of offroading in my Jeeps!

It then starts to get more difficult, firstly big people need bigger scooters and these tend to be 8 mph ones but these in the main cannot be dissembled to fit in a boot, so ownership of one of these implies, somewhere to park at home, if you have room in the garage, then OK, if not there is a variety of solutions, from polythene tents to mini wooden huts.

So with scooter plus structure, I could go out the door and drive off, with c 20-30 miles range. Some analytical thought however says why would I want to do this, I can get in the car and drive to the supermarket, bank etc and in the winter I think a heated Citroen is better than a cold journey maybe with ice or snow.

So maybe this is only a dry and warmish season opportunity. I really wanted something to allow mobility at the destination e.g. on holiday to cruise the prom, explore the stately homes and gardens etc and this means transporting not only myself and passengers but usual luggage and stuff plus the scooter.

I have seen as I am sure many of my dear readers have seen, especially adapted van style cars with a ramp to ensconce the scooter safely to and from points of use. After musing on that I decided that I was not prepared to trade in my car for such a vehicle, though clearly with no ability to stand or walk more than a step, it would be necessary. I can walk a short distance.

This led to a consideration as to what other aids are available and surfing the net I found various, trailers and tow bar fitting cradles. The expense has now increased by £750 plus. I did find one USA solution which combined tow bar clamp with a hydraulic platform and a set of castored wheels so the weight was on the road. Unfortunately these are not available for UK towbars which have a different fitting.

I am therefore led to the conclusion it is too expensive and of marginal utility to become an owner, even of a recon or second hand machine. But all is not lost, in many City Centres and big shopping centres there is a Mobility Aids place which lends, sometimes free or at a lowish cost, a scooter to travel around. In the case of Nottingham, they have units at both the town’s shopping centres and the linked bus stations and you are also enabled to go on pedestrianised streets. This seems the best option for the moment.

Some other shops Tesco, Asda, etc offer small in shop scooters, as does Ikea and B&Q and these are useful for that purpose. An unexpected outing to Ikea with my son in law who has had a knee operation and cannot walk and me and my other half who has had a fall (my daughter also had a less serious leg issue, any statistics to calculate the probability of 4 people and all left legs !

Any way I digress, maybe Malcolm’s Musing should be Malcolm’s Ramblings ! We decided only two of us would enter Ikea so Leon and I went in, me, with a stick, he on crutches and asked for TWO scooters. Fortunately a quiet day and not peak shopping so we went forth navigating the aisles much to the interest of ambulatory shoppers and the attention of children, I think they wanted a go.

So such aids can also be accessed but probably best for one person as most stores only have a few.

I guess if I lived in warmer climes like California or Florida etc then full time ownership would be worthwhile, or you could have a big Ram Pickup with a winch or crane !

So another diversion mentally and physically in the continuing journey.

AGE, MOBILITY and OTHER DIVERSIONS

This time in this year seem to be a procession of milestones. Time truly seems to pass, once slowly, then quickly as events happen. This is what I call relative time…..do not worry….. no quantum physics here….. rather the subjective feeling , than the ticking clock or the turning calendar. Tsitsi turned 60 …perhaps a little reluctantly, but with an enjoyable gathering of relatives and friends. A number of new people whose connection I needing explaining several times and I am still unsure about where they fit in the Mtetwa family tree, and some old friends of hers who came to celebrate.

But now is approaching another milestone, in July, which is almost on us, I will become an official OAP. I have filled in the forms to get my State Pension. Apart from that, I am not sure it changes my status, I already am a pensioner freed from working,  I already have my bus pass and free prescriptions…..In all I am expecting a low key change, I will have to tick a different box on forms asking for age, I suspect that travel insurance etc will increase, though why one day later I am a greater risk, seems to be somewhat arbitrary.

What has struck me though is that it is now 7 years since I worked properly, apart from odds and ends as described in previous blogs …. how many years to go ? and unless we start to count 70, 80, 90 and 100, a number of which are rather unlikely I feel, I am without milestones.

If I survive intact, until say 80, that is 15 years which is a significant period of time and of course it could be longer …………my birthday resolution (have I just invented a new thing !) is to try and put meaning into the declining years. I will not want to survive if my mind and body are not up to the task but as long as I can think ……………….

I also have pondered how adaptable human beings can be. Stories appear about people with great mental strength adapting, I am only suffering from mobility problems, but the ticking of the body clock has caused and will inevitably cause more need for adaptions and compromises. I was struck with that thought when I discovered the Mobility service at Nottingham’s major shopping service, rather by accident. It is a slightly complicated story but in brief, I had to take my car to a Citroen specialist in Ilkeston, about 8 miles from my home, Tsitsi had gone to work, so I was faced with getting home and then returning later to pick up the car. That is a journey almost but not quite possible by bus, as the bus from Ilkeston would leave me in Chilwell, only 2 or so miles from home but insurmountable to me on foot.

So thinking laterally and having scouring the timetables, I determined to leave the car, take a short i.e. 200 metres walk to the bus stop and then journey into Nottingham about 10 miles, I had hoped to be able to hobble slowly around a little and the retire to a cafe and then reverse the journey. It was here that happy chance intervened, I was walking, slowly, from the bus station into the Centre when I saw a Shopmobility office. Suffice it to say that after filling in paperwork and being trained on the machine, I was set free with a four wheel electric scooter and at zero cost !

I have to admit I had tried these before in USA supermarkets, but this one was different, not only could I travel round the Shopping Centre but I could exit and go down pedestrian streets and indeed normal pavements to other parts of the City Centre and the other shopping Centre at the bottom end.

What was of interest was several things, I was now unembarrassed by my use of the device, maybe I am accepting the inevitable, I was surprised that pedestrians do not think and just do U turns, or sudden stops and indeed on some occasions I was clearly invisible (I resisted the temptation to use the horn), but I made progress and was lucky with a dry and sunny day, in the rain and cold it may be a different experience.

Reflecting as I write this piece I now realise that having become a scooter user, I was reluctant to get off it. In retrospect, I could easily park up outside a shop and walk the few yards in with my stick, I will try this multiple mode transport another time. This might allow me to accompany Tsitsi on City Centre shopping trips ………… though on reflection this might create a new dynamic. Though I am sure that even with the disability, I could deploy the tactic used by men everywhere when their ladies are browsing in clothes and ……the ultimate experience to be avoided, shoe shops. “You go ahead Darling, take your time and I’ll meet you in ..(insert favourite cafe, pub etc) later”

Now I am still attempting to get the knee operation I need, that is another story, suffice it to say that The Nottingham NHS Treatment Centre complaints system totally fails to meet time limits for replying, the cynical me surmises that they hope I will get fed up and give up …………. not yet, not yet……….

But assuming I fail then should I get myself a scooter of my own ? That needs some thought, especially since that would need a new vehicle in which to transport it but would give me back the freedom to do as others do…just wander around old streets in old towns, perambulate or rather motor around stately homes, gardens etc etc. It seems an interesting intellectual exercise so watch this space dear reader…………………I feel another musing in the making.

TIME MARCHES ON ………….

Just in case there are still readers checking dutifully to catch my musings, my apologies. I have often thought of writing an item but somehow it never got to the top of my motivation reserve. I do seem to be lacking drive and revert to simple things like eating, drinking watching TV, must be old age, my 65th birthday is in sight and I am unsure how I see that. Well I have claimed fro my OAP, happy to accept money from the government.

Anyway a brief update on life, Malcolm and the universe.

I am still in a life partnership with my special African Queen Tsitsi, she turns 60 soon and would rather stay younger. This relationship has turned out to be an essential in my life, someone to help and be helped, share similarities and recognise differences. I now realise that being old and alone must be a difficult and undesirable situation.

I have resigned from the Board and Chairmanship of Nottingham Credit Union. It is difficult with volunteers to get unanimity but our, and indeed many other Credit Unions financial position, are not improving. Not helped by the delayed and delayed Universal Credit scheme which we were ready to support tenants and landlords. Any way the bottom line was I believed that a radical approach needed to be taken and that just trying to cut costs again and make more staff redundant was to invite extinction. An alternative plan to push for growth in members and loans, revamping our image and streamlining and automating processes did not get enough support. Though I am told that my resignation email was discussed at length and broadly the points I made were supported. What seems to be lacking is courage to take a bold step with no guarantees. Any best wishes to all at NCU, maybe I will be proved wrong.

I had a new experience, following on working with The Patients Association on complaint handling in the NHS post Mid Staffs issues, I was invited to be involved in a full CQC (Care & Quality Commission) inspection of a Trust in Berkshire.

This was  interesting though I did share concerns that the role of the Patients Association team (of two) was an add on not integrated into the inspection. Clearly lots of issues to consider but complaints are an indicator of other problems and given that many dissatisfied patients or relatives do not ‘want to make a fuss’. They can be a valuable signpost for further inspection and questions.

We stayed in a nice hotel, got fed well but were working long days e.g. up at 6:00am to bed at 11:30pm. Probably my semi retired self had grown used to shorter self managing timescales and age and infirmity became so much more pronounced.

The old saying ‘act your age’ comes into mind, its just difficult to accept your limitations, the mind is willing, mostly, the body not.

The ending of the funding for IT training, my giving up off roading and sold my Jeeps means I have so much more time unallocated, I still do Magistrates Duty and indeed have been able to fill some short notice gaps recently, but overall there is more time. You can only watch so much TV, so my gift subscription to Netflix has been well used.

As I pause here to collect my thoughts, seeking the inspiration for bonne mots and insightful observations, I admit I am entering a new category and the third age offers challenges but also maybe opportunities. The last few years, since I started this blog, is full of unexpected and unforeseen things so maybe the next phase will continue to be unpredictable.

I have the time for some for musings and would be happy to be inspired by readers as well as my own journeys. 

65 (almost) and not out yet.

Waiting,waiting.....waiting

Now I know the Brits are renowned for queues but I have to muse or more probably rant at the NHS.

Reading any UK papers or TV will give the impression that the NHS is near collapse, my little experience does not support this but does give thought to how patients are very clearly the second class citizens of the system. 

The originators of the NHS had high ideals that all people would have free at point of use health care, so what happened ............well I guess my readers do not want a multi page academic analysis, which is just as well, but lets review a small incident that happened to me recently.

I had been diagnosed after various other treatments had failed, as having .......Droopy Eye. I like that it actually describes the problem ..........and not a touch of Latin anywhere.

The treatment involved having my eyelid cut and lifted, sounds less than pleasant .......... I am still in recovery and waiting for bruise die back but the procedure was efficient and skilled and lasted about 40 minutes under a local anasetic, no gowns, no beds, walk in and out of the theatre.

What my complaint is about is the organisation ..... I use the term loosely and with a touch of irony ......

of the administrative aspects. Appointment letter comes, saying report at 12:00 noon, seems fair, (we will not get diverted into the parking issues at the hospital) I arrive just before then, announce myself and told to take a seat, waiting area has around 12 people some patients, others relatives, friends. I wait, occasionally some one is called by a Nurse, goes somewhere else and comes back 10 minutes later and sits done again. My turn is at 1 pm and it achieves me having to remember my name and date of birth and be tagged and asked a list of questions that seem to have limited relevance to my procedure. 

I must admit I see the need as patients come in all varieties and will have issues thst need recording, but I definetly sense a "cover our backs" mentality.

 I sit back on the appallingly uncomfortable chairs, clearly the procurement person never tried out this when ordering, I suspect they were the lowest quote, and then get another call where another nurse, looking more senior, asks many of the questions again and countersigns numerous boxes on the forms. It as this point that I find out that surgery will start at 2 o'clock. A foreboding grips me, we had all been told to come at 12, yet nothing is to happen until after they have had their lunch. So two hours for a simple admin procedure.

Being on my own and having not been informed about the need to bring food and drink, I quietly starve and dehydrate. Of course I should of realised that two o'clock is a generic time .......... lets shorten the tale, its 3:45 pm when my turn arrives to be called, I was the last.

Anyway as I opened, the procedure was well managed, though another two people wanted reassurance that I knew who I was and what operation I was happening, before I got onto the table.

At 4: 30 I got to sit down in an empty room but with much better chairs, mine had eletric recline etc, and shortly after I got some documentation and was released, just in time for my transport to get stuck in the rush hour traffic.

So what's the issue I hear you say ...............there was clearly a list of people needing less than an hour in theatre, so why were we all told to report at one time when we could easily have been staggered at hoursly intervals ? ie I would come in at say 3, for paperwork, been done and went home, the staff would have a phased workload. It seems to me to be so obvious that I cannot see how anyone with basis planning experience would have devised the " get them all here for 12" strategy. Its like telling the builder, electrician, plumber and decorator all to come on the same time on same day, so they are there when needed ............. that of course would not happen, as these are people charging you £40 + a hour. Patients apparently do not count, ...... wait I pay taxes for the NHS.........

Musings from America 6 - Thanksgiving

A unique American public holiday, the Last Thursday in November, 28 Nov this year, its interesting that unlike the UK where holidays get moved to the nearest Monday usually, this is celebrated on the day. A day which seems to gave an even greater significance than Christmas and is celebrated by all Americans. It comes from the event probably exaggerated over the years, when the first settlers, well the first white settlers possibly, were saved from starvation by the Native Americans by the meal of turkey. Unfortunately the courtesy and the humanity of the natives was later repaid by wholesale slaughter and theft of their lands..........is less remembered. Like most festivals the original concept has become rose-tinted over the years and it know is a celebration of "family" . Hence people trek across the country by plane and car to their family, it seems almost compulsory. Do not try and travel the days before or after unless you like delays at airports and jams and accidents on the road.

Anyway it was my first Thanksgiving and being that it is a black family I am associated with, some other cultural influences get incorporated. Turkey is still de rigeur but accompanying vegetables etc  owe much to African and especially Zimbabwean cuisine, though on this occasion the worms, locusts and other exotica are missing but oxtail does appear.

The kitchen is a scene of semi organised chaos as the 'head chef' or most likely several people who all believe they are in charge, give instructions, check others efforts and generally create an atmosphere of chaos, men are sent out to get missing items quite often double ordered by various people, there is the lady of the house, but her position is complicated by the presence of the Mama, a power struggle occurs but somehow resolves itself with the added contributions of the sisters etc .....

The American black people and the author and observer, are handicapped by the fast paced exchange of views, instructions etc in Shona whilst the new baby cries, sleeps and generally moves through the day unaffected, ..............think carefully young man, it will not be so long before you join the chaos.

Those sent shopping, ring in with queries and to receive new instructions, it seems certain some of the cooks will be disappointed but that pragmatism will prevail before the meal.

An enquiry elicits the information that some more people will be there later, it is unclear whether they are having the meal, but the quantity of food seems to indicate they will, a throw away line,  also predicts another batch of people in the evening .............

The TV adverts indicate that consumerism has not been ignored, sales and special deals, on the occasion known as Black Friday, start in the evening for many stores, so have dinner and about 8 pm you can start shopping. The stores that persist in staying shut on thanksgiving day, open at 6 am on the Frid, family gives way to bargain hunting and the advice is to avoid shops and malls until after the weekend at the earliest.

It is November and the sun is shining, though temperatures are low, here in Tennessee, snow is rare and brief, though further North, snow ploughs are out.

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Everything went a bit quiet until the shoppers returned with what seemed some substantial extra purchases, the power play for Head chef resumed ......... I maintained my status as the silent observer, until the "meal is ready, help yourselves" was announced ..........the only missing bit was that the turkey and the ham had not be owned by anyone and were still cooking .........hunger moved my status to participant and the other chefs' leapt into action. The setting the table chefs having denied that they had any responsibility apart from vegetables and the oxtail.

I am however happy to report that the meal was excellent...............

Two additional relatives, please do not ask me to identify their actual relationships, were present, we watched some American football, or football as it is called here, the other game played throughout the world being soccer. I have a vague sense of the game but still cannot fathom out the roles, moves nor rules ......... anyway some, no most of the men departed, bowling, ten pin, not lawn, being the suspect, and quietness descended for a few hours, and some cake and pie, until about 8pm a bus load arrived, some were known from previous gatherings, some attached in ways unknown to those, I think. Some greeted me as a long lost friend, but no one offered their name ..........drinks were dispensed and platters of food kept the microwave busy. The conversation levels, in Shona of course, this being the Nashville Diaspora, increased, the baby seemed to have genes attuned and was little troubled by his position, various ladies heaping attention, even when the dancing to loud music started. I, on the other hand made my apologies and retired upstairs, to write this blog and listen to some proper music from the golden ages of the sixties and seventies on my headphones ........sometimes you just have to admit to being a grumpy old unsociable man.