Relationships, new experiences and learning new stuff

Well I wonder if there is anyone out there, I feel guilty because I think blog, I dream blog, but I have not been writing blog ………………

So here goes, lets start and see where the muse takes me.

I have now become Chair of Relate Nottingham ……………….. this is a case study of how not to do it, but does reflect how the many volunteer driven organisations operate http://relate-nottingham.org.uk (http://relate-nottingham.org.uk)

I saw the advert on REACH  Reach Home (a good place for professional people with time on their hands) I turned up for a discussion with the Chair, I went to three Board meetings as an observer, though I have to admit I did take the opportunity to speak out, correctly or not. So I was happy to become a Trustee but then the Chair stood down, the Vice Chair stood down, both had exceeded the 8 years limit, several other Trustees packed their bags and I indicated I might possibly consider it ………..there were no other candidates and I became elected !

As is my want, I now find myself in the role of Change Manager ………. the future will see what direction this takes. Anyone in Nottingham area fancy being a Trustee, let me know. More musings may result as I steer the ship into unchartered seas or onto the rocks.

That leads to to another theme, that of life long learning. OK thats a management buzz word but the truth emerges when as above you need to learn new things. The other new thing is that I am on the path to become a Chair of the Bench in the Magistrates Court. For those less familiar and overseas readers, a bench of Magistrates is normally three people, one Chair and two wingers. Only the Chair can speak directly to the court to the defendant, solicitors etc.

Now I have observed this as a winger for a number of years and in view of advancing years, JPs must retire at 70, I hesitated to put my name forward for training but decided why not, once again retirement allows you freedom, if I didn’t like it then I just stop !

The training as always was OK, now I know that my background in learning & development makes me more critical in a “I wouldn’t do it that way” attitude, anyway after two days of training including role plays, I started on first practice sessions, these are however in real courts with real defendants, solicitors etc and whilst I felt that I had done things like this before I was surprised to get a dry mouth, losing my place and trying to listen whilst thinking about what comes next. Of course the Legal Advisor is helpful.

I have done three of these but trying to do multiple things at once taught me that I have to be specific with delegating jobs to the wingers and being clear about peoples’ names. Especially in a court with lots of different cases, we had evading train fares, not sending kids to school, breaches of fines and other court orders and some others that have disappeared from memory. 

I now start next week with the first of three appraised sessions where someone sits either with me or observing from the courtroom and then presumably we discuss and fill in a form. I understand the reasons but in maturity the actual process of being a ‘junior learner’ is quite challenging. I reassure myself that if I fail, so what, I can still continue as a winger. Let’s see what happens over the next few months, I don’t know if I get a certificate or a letter to say I am competent or it just happens ……

So a brief catch up, I will resolve to write regularly, maybe a bit of politics now the Election is over, maybe some observations on that which never fails to illuminate, the behaviours and views of other people, or ………….feel free to suggest topics. 

BEING A VICTIM

I had the misfortune to be burglarised recently. Maybe we had become complacent, living in a middle class area and with the learned experience of no such events in many, many years.

I had traded convenience for security and hence the miscreant took his opportunity. Entering the garden via an unlocked gate and smashing a double glazed french door which had the key inside the lock.

It appeared to be a very fast smash and grab, as many items of value were left behind, but they managed to locate an expensive UHD TV, only a few months old, an Apple iMac of an earlier vintage, jewellery, watches, perfumes, cash etc. but other desirables left.

Nonetheless the experience was unsettling and the inconvenience though not major, was annoying.

Enter the insurance company and the loss adjuster. I have never encountered this profession whose role is to save the insurers as much as possible. However this was a relatively painless and quite quick experience. The process of claim was speedy but providing details demonstrated how complacent we were.

The TV was OK, being recent I had proof of purchase, the model was new so still in production, but the price had dropped around £500 since I had bought it but I got the same model replaced. The iMac was older and had been replaced by new models, the insurance covers new for old but the loss adjuster would not allow me to claim for the latest iMac 5G retina, rather the price of a lower spec model. In all fairness that would have been more modern, faster etc. I took the money and decided to upgrade to the latest adding my own money. Thus the burglary cost me more money ! but providing this one is not stolen or breakdowns, I am future proofed for a few years.

Other stuff was more difficult, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,jewellery and watches, ………..we did not have receipts nor photos (tip here snap all your stuff when you buy it) and stuff dating back to 1970s was pretty much impossible to arrive at a relevant replacement value. The loss adjuster engaged a specialist jewellery advisor apparently, we never met him, and it was that value we accepted. I guess we might have argued but …………..

Anyway, a figure was agreed and paid, in cash, check your insurance, some insist on replacing stuff themselves, but I had cash in the bank.

Now the fun starts, scouring the internet, but restricted to iPad as computer gone. Seeking deals and offers, not forgetting cashback sites, I expect a few pounds but you need to balance that with timescales and availability. The computer I wanted asap and the TV whilst I had others, which were not stolen, the big hole in the lounge was a constant reminder.

iMacs are cheaper from BHS direct than Apple, don’t buy Apple RAM try Crucial a third of the price, no Samsung soundbars available in UK, but Germany, via Amazon Marketplace delivered in a few days, TV from Doncaster, using a google search, £250 less than Currys. Amazon for cables etc, Ebay for other bits and some of the money repurposed to items now wanted.

Frustrations regarding delivery and delays and changes at the last minute but overall painless.

One left over item, the thief took a small drawer from the bedroom cabinet, it had the watches in, and left us with a gap, now need to find someone to build a replacement or replace the chest unit…….to be debated further.

The police response was encouraging though not successful, I called the incident in, PC here within 2 hours, CSI the next day, specialist CID team a few days later. We even got an item in the local Neighbourhood/police watch email. Alas no miscreant located, there was a general description from a neighbour but no car reg. A few weeks later my case was put on the back burner.

The concern was data on the iMac, but we travel hopefully here, Apple do a scheme whereby you can locate all your apple devices, phones, iPads etc and the IMac on line giving a GPS position. It also allows you to send a message to the miscreants, I settled with “try and sell this now you bastards” and then added the functions, to lock and then erase everything, I am waiting for someone to connect it to the internet, maybe on Christmas Day when the thief or whoever he sold onto, sets it up ………….. I would really like to spoil their day.

The experience also prompted a security review, lock doors even when in, same for gates, take keys out of locks, I now have them in a safe when everyone is out or at night. I am still considering alarm or CCTV, maybe Santa will assist !

If there is any moral or lesson to this tale is that it could have been very much worse, no one was home and no one was injured, insurance proved its worth, though wait for next years quotes. Being retired I had the time to search for deals, wait in for deliveries etc, working people might find the time a burden. 

Nevertheless it reinforces the concern that you may be a victim of crime and that there are plenty of dishonest snd uncaring thieves out there. I was aware of this from my times on the Magistrates’ bench. Perhaps its the human condition, the survival of the fittest, the strong preying on the weak, the have nots wanting to be haves, the loss of community and respect for others.

Its nothing new, people have always coveted what they see others have, people are by nature selfish, what prevents crime is lack of opportunity, not a moral code, though some have that, they are unlikely to be the ones smashing your windows.

The pursuit of goods and new and shiner tech, seems to be a feature, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, such sales before Christmas are newish phenomenon So ‘free’ or very cheap stolen goods are alternatives for people who have the same desires and wants as those who can afford them, but lack legitimate means to acquire what they believe is their absolute right ………………..the poor are always with us ……………the criminals will always exist, …………..but be warned, my new improved 5000v security cordon, the vicious guards dogs, the razor wire and land mines are being installed next week !!!!

THE UK AND THE EU, A DISASTER WAITING ?

Now I am not a political person, though I once stood for Parish Council but lost, but I take an interest in the news and what’s happening.

It now seems that the ‘are we in’ or ‘are we out’ fight with the EU is hotting up. Now I have specific views on this and declare myself as a European, I have visited various countries and at one time was going to retire to France.

What annoys me is the fact that the British Government, or the Conservatives to be accurate, are posturing and threatening and taking a frankly, “I’m alright sod the neighbours” attitude brought on by the threats of UKIP getting seats. That would be a disaster for the country but it is disappointing that Mr Cameron is trying to be a skeptic in the run up to the election. That’s the point, its “I will say whatever is needed to get myself back into government” 

The hypocrisy is astounding, but I am not making a party political point as all the others do the same, what I do fear is that the UK would withdraw or even be kicked out for breaking the rules. 

When will we realise that the days of the British Empire have gone, perhaps some will need to reflect that we we're not unblemished in areas such as human rights and equality, profit being the motive and stop looking back to days of world influence.

I really fail to understand the problem with free movement of labour, its a global world and the British and the Scots for centuries went all sort of places, the UK invited people from the West Indies in the 50s so that there were people to drive the buses, empty the refuse etc.

The Poles have been coming to UK for years, though I note that many are returning as Poland improves itself. There are queues of people at Calais trying to get in. There are Brits living and working in all the EU countries, would the EU send all of them back !

If we are so attractive, is this not a compliment ?

The argument is then turned to claiming benefits and health services, there are rules and if people meet them then why are they refused. The fact that the UK has ‘lost’ thousands upon thousands of people speaks more to the inefficiency of border controls, who started then scrapped the Border Agency ? and presides on a massively complex and unfathomable benefit system, where is the Universal Credits promised ?

I hope you get the gist, I hope that we are not returning to xenophobia, (though some never left it) nor direct discrimination to people who are a bit different to us, the UK is a total mix of people, think Saxons, Celts, Romans, Vikings ……….. the list goes on. The Scots, despite the narrow margin of the referendum, don’t think themselves as English, nor the Welsh or the Irish. Its perfectly possible to be a UK resident whilst still retaining your original systems and values. It will only take a generation or two for integration to naturally occur, count the number of highly successful Asians in business and politics, so the Bulgarians and other new states will also assimilate themselves whilst bringing new perspectives and traditions.

Now I am an OAP but I will seriously consider leaving the UK, (assuming I am allowed to keep my pension), if we leave the EU ………there really is no more GREAT in great Britain, wake up and smell the daisies, we are all in a global, shrinking world, is this the time to being a little, isolated, inbreed, racist, state with self serving politicians, situated off the coast of Europe with little influence on the rest of the world ?

I hope my foreign readers will bear with me and if reading this will realise that what is said in the papers and on UK TV, does not represent all the citizens.

WHAT PRICE ON LOVE ?

I had an unusual and for me unique experience recently, I was asked for Lobola, it means the price that a man pays for his wife to the Father when she is wed. Traditionally set in cows, the practice has in one respect only, been updated to cash, it is unclear whether electronic payments and cards have been added to the tradition !

The request comes from the eldest brother (her Father being deceased) of my partner, who I have referred to in other blogs, and thus this becomes an interesting situation both personally and philosophically.

Respect for customs of others is good, but belief in the unalienable right is not. Lets rehearse some arguments.

The lady is question attracted lebowla previously when she was young, that relationship failed and I do not know if a refund was given because the husband no longer had the services of the wife, that makes some logical sense, but then sense and tradition do not always meet.

En passant it is interesting to compare this practice with the English version in olden days of the bride coming with a dowry i.e. an complete opposite. (Maybe I should have asked for a dowry !)

So we are led to the conclusion that this is a cultural thing which even modern men and women in Zimbabwe and in other parts of Africa still hold onto despite the women often being highly educated and intelligent and whom you might suppose would also resent being sold ............ for what we have is a form of slavery, the man buys a wife who is then his property. Now lets not blame Africa, the status of women has changed, similar attitudes existed and may still exist in Western or other countries, until quite recently. I can remember in my lifetime when a woman's income was added to her husbands tax return !

So the practice is out of date and demeaning to the woman and indeed the man who agrees to pay it, this is human trafficking and human rights trumps ethnic beliefs.

The world moves on, mores and customs change and need to adapt to the modern age.

That might be all that is needed to say but lets explore a little further, applying this to 'older second or more times around' couples, is not even logical. Did the late husband get a refund when his wife left him ? If not then a woman could be sold multiple times, in fact on purely commercial grounds it would be a good idea for the Father to encourage separation and then resell the daughter.

So I have objection on several counts, there may well be more

1. Outdated and questionable traditions should not be supported
2. Woman are not chattels they are independent people
3.  Slavery is illegal in all civilised countries
4.  I doubt that the practice was supposed to deal with second or third relationships, people died    young, so people living longer there is not even a discount for time left !
5. How can you possibly put a price on love

I therefore refused to discuss the matter and I refuse to equate a failure to comply, as an insult. We never got to price but I might just ask what the OAP discount is ! After all you don't buy anything with knowing what is the cost. But buying and selling people is just not right.

Comments from readers welcomed and I hope that I have not shone a light under too many stones and insulted or embarrassed anyone, but I do stand with this blog unequivocally.

P is for Politics

I felt the need for a change in blog, too much 'I am old and disabled' stuff perhaps, though do not rule out more in that theme if the muse summons me.

So I though a bit of politics. Now I never been terribly active, once stood for the Parish Council in Camblesforth in Yorkshire, but failed to get elected, so more recently confine myself to browsing BBC News etc.

Then I got a letter from David, yes the one who is currently PM,.......... he seemed very keen to hear from me what he ought to do in the next Parliament if he wins, I did read the letter but declined to comment. I already know who I am going to vote for as my MP and as it happens he is a Labour Man, but whilst I cannot accept what the Tory's want to do, or rather do without, Europe especially and equally would not usually vote Labour, their track record of running the country is also nothing to be proud about, I will vote Labour.

Rather than a national party, I am voting for an MP who previously represented my constituency in Broxtowe, lost out at the last election by a very narrow margin, but is standing again, Nick Palmer.

Now I have never meet Mr Palmer, but I feel I know him as he started regular bulletins distributed by email, in which he explains issues clearly and which I follow. Also whilst not being MP, he has continued to assist the people of the borough and I have formed the impression that he is the type of MP I want. That is one who believes that he actually does represent the people of his constituency and his loyalty is to them not just to the party machine. We will see if he succeeds.

The other political interest is the Scottish Independence Referendum due shortly. This is because I was brought up and went to school in Scotland from six months old until I was 17. However I cannot vote, as I was not born there and do not stay there now, unlike my sister who lives in France but was born in Scotland, who can vote.

I am unsure why I am interested, I don't believe I shall move to Scotland, though that is not impossible, but I am attracted by the idea of more devolution and Scotland is more than just an English Region. The practicalities are of course huge, but I hope the people vote so that these can then be debated with the Scots and the English and Welsh having their say. Interesting times.

Having spent a few months in the USA, and with the possibility that I could move there perhaps, I take a passing interest in their politics, which appears to be both too simple i.e. only two parties and too complex with all sorts of what we might see as Local Government posts being up for election and of course if you watch America TV programs the impression of corruption, incompetent officials etc seems to be there. But lets be thankful we are not in Russia nor even China, and definitely not in the emerging Islamic states. I have no problems with people having their beliefs but the French got it right when the Church and State were very clearly separated. Government of the People, for the People, by the People. I appreciate that those of religious beliefs would disagree but ...........

Thank you for reading, do post any comments and tell your friends and if you have suitable topics for a Musing then I may be persuaded to take it up.

MOBILITY STORY 2

A follow up for readers of the last blog. Having gained some expertise on mobility scooters ….. the difference between Class 2 and Class 3 for example, but failing to see what makes one brand twice the price of another ….on reflection its probably about a Mercedes and a Vauxhall, more bells and whistle, bigger batteries, full leather upholstery etc etc. In any event I had to make some decisions, one, did I want to stay on the pavements and thus restricted to 4 mph or two on road which can propel at 8 mpg and has lights, indicators and mirrors. There are even all terrain models with big tyres and uprated suspension, deja vu of offroading in my Jeeps!

It then starts to get more difficult, firstly big people need bigger scooters and these tend to be 8 mph ones but these in the main cannot be dissembled to fit in a boot, so ownership of one of these implies, somewhere to park at home, if you have room in the garage, then OK, if not there is a variety of solutions, from polythene tents to mini wooden huts.

So with scooter plus structure, I could go out the door and drive off, with c 20-30 miles range. Some analytical thought however says why would I want to do this, I can get in the car and drive to the supermarket, bank etc and in the winter I think a heated Citroen is better than a cold journey maybe with ice or snow.

So maybe this is only a dry and warmish season opportunity. I really wanted something to allow mobility at the destination e.g. on holiday to cruise the prom, explore the stately homes and gardens etc and this means transporting not only myself and passengers but usual luggage and stuff plus the scooter.

I have seen as I am sure many of my dear readers have seen, especially adapted van style cars with a ramp to ensconce the scooter safely to and from points of use. After musing on that I decided that I was not prepared to trade in my car for such a vehicle, though clearly with no ability to stand or walk more than a step, it would be necessary. I can walk a short distance.

This led to a consideration as to what other aids are available and surfing the net I found various, trailers and tow bar fitting cradles. The expense has now increased by £750 plus. I did find one USA solution which combined tow bar clamp with a hydraulic platform and a set of castored wheels so the weight was on the road. Unfortunately these are not available for UK towbars which have a different fitting.

I am therefore led to the conclusion it is too expensive and of marginal utility to become an owner, even of a recon or second hand machine. But all is not lost, in many City Centres and big shopping centres there is a Mobility Aids place which lends, sometimes free or at a lowish cost, a scooter to travel around. In the case of Nottingham, they have units at both the town’s shopping centres and the linked bus stations and you are also enabled to go on pedestrianised streets. This seems the best option for the moment.

Some other shops Tesco, Asda, etc offer small in shop scooters, as does Ikea and B&Q and these are useful for that purpose. An unexpected outing to Ikea with my son in law who has had a knee operation and cannot walk and me and my other half who has had a fall (my daughter also had a less serious leg issue, any statistics to calculate the probability of 4 people and all left legs !

Any way I digress, maybe Malcolm’s Musing should be Malcolm’s Ramblings ! We decided only two of us would enter Ikea so Leon and I went in, me, with a stick, he on crutches and asked for TWO scooters. Fortunately a quiet day and not peak shopping so we went forth navigating the aisles much to the interest of ambulatory shoppers and the attention of children, I think they wanted a go.

So such aids can also be accessed but probably best for one person as most stores only have a few.

I guess if I lived in warmer climes like California or Florida etc then full time ownership would be worthwhile, or you could have a big Ram Pickup with a winch or crane !

So another diversion mentally and physically in the continuing journey.

AGE, MOBILITY and OTHER DIVERSIONS

This time in this year seem to be a procession of milestones. Time truly seems to pass, once slowly, then quickly as events happen. This is what I call relative time…..do not worry….. no quantum physics here….. rather the subjective feeling , than the ticking clock or the turning calendar. Tsitsi turned 60 …perhaps a little reluctantly, but with an enjoyable gathering of relatives and friends. A number of new people whose connection I needing explaining several times and I am still unsure about where they fit in the Mtetwa family tree, and some old friends of hers who came to celebrate.

But now is approaching another milestone, in July, which is almost on us, I will become an official OAP. I have filled in the forms to get my State Pension. Apart from that, I am not sure it changes my status, I already am a pensioner freed from working,  I already have my bus pass and free prescriptions…..In all I am expecting a low key change, I will have to tick a different box on forms asking for age, I suspect that travel insurance etc will increase, though why one day later I am a greater risk, seems to be somewhat arbitrary.

What has struck me though is that it is now 7 years since I worked properly, apart from odds and ends as described in previous blogs …. how many years to go ? and unless we start to count 70, 80, 90 and 100, a number of which are rather unlikely I feel, I am without milestones.

If I survive intact, until say 80, that is 15 years which is a significant period of time and of course it could be longer …………my birthday resolution (have I just invented a new thing !) is to try and put meaning into the declining years. I will not want to survive if my mind and body are not up to the task but as long as I can think ……………….

I also have pondered how adaptable human beings can be. Stories appear about people with great mental strength adapting, I am only suffering from mobility problems, but the ticking of the body clock has caused and will inevitably cause more need for adaptions and compromises. I was struck with that thought when I discovered the Mobility service at Nottingham’s major shopping service, rather by accident. It is a slightly complicated story but in brief, I had to take my car to a Citroen specialist in Ilkeston, about 8 miles from my home, Tsitsi had gone to work, so I was faced with getting home and then returning later to pick up the car. That is a journey almost but not quite possible by bus, as the bus from Ilkeston would leave me in Chilwell, only 2 or so miles from home but insurmountable to me on foot.

So thinking laterally and having scouring the timetables, I determined to leave the car, take a short i.e. 200 metres walk to the bus stop and then journey into Nottingham about 10 miles, I had hoped to be able to hobble slowly around a little and the retire to a cafe and then reverse the journey. It was here that happy chance intervened, I was walking, slowly, from the bus station into the Centre when I saw a Shopmobility office. Suffice it to say that after filling in paperwork and being trained on the machine, I was set free with a four wheel electric scooter and at zero cost !

I have to admit I had tried these before in USA supermarkets, but this one was different, not only could I travel round the Shopping Centre but I could exit and go down pedestrian streets and indeed normal pavements to other parts of the City Centre and the other shopping Centre at the bottom end.

What was of interest was several things, I was now unembarrassed by my use of the device, maybe I am accepting the inevitable, I was surprised that pedestrians do not think and just do U turns, or sudden stops and indeed on some occasions I was clearly invisible (I resisted the temptation to use the horn), but I made progress and was lucky with a dry and sunny day, in the rain and cold it may be a different experience.

Reflecting as I write this piece I now realise that having become a scooter user, I was reluctant to get off it. In retrospect, I could easily park up outside a shop and walk the few yards in with my stick, I will try this multiple mode transport another time. This might allow me to accompany Tsitsi on City Centre shopping trips ………… though on reflection this might create a new dynamic. Though I am sure that even with the disability, I could deploy the tactic used by men everywhere when their ladies are browsing in clothes and ……the ultimate experience to be avoided, shoe shops. “You go ahead Darling, take your time and I’ll meet you in ..(insert favourite cafe, pub etc) later”

Now I am still attempting to get the knee operation I need, that is another story, suffice it to say that The Nottingham NHS Treatment Centre complaints system totally fails to meet time limits for replying, the cynical me surmises that they hope I will get fed up and give up …………. not yet, not yet……….

But assuming I fail then should I get myself a scooter of my own ? That needs some thought, especially since that would need a new vehicle in which to transport it but would give me back the freedom to do as others do…just wander around old streets in old towns, perambulate or rather motor around stately homes, gardens etc etc. It seems an interesting intellectual exercise so watch this space dear reader…………………I feel another musing in the making.