WHAT PRICE ON LOVE ?

I had an unusual and for me unique experience recently, I was asked for Lobola, it means the price that a man pays for his wife to the Father when she is wed. Traditionally set in cows, the practice has in one respect only, been updated to cash, it is unclear whether electronic payments and cards have been added to the tradition !

The request comes from the eldest brother (her Father being deceased) of my partner, who I have referred to in other blogs, and thus this becomes an interesting situation both personally and philosophically.

Respect for customs of others is good, but belief in the unalienable right is not. Lets rehearse some arguments.

The lady is question attracted lebowla previously when she was young, that relationship failed and I do not know if a refund was given because the husband no longer had the services of the wife, that makes some logical sense, but then sense and tradition do not always meet.

En passant it is interesting to compare this practice with the English version in olden days of the bride coming with a dowry i.e. an complete opposite. (Maybe I should have asked for a dowry !)

So we are led to the conclusion that this is a cultural thing which even modern men and women in Zimbabwe and in other parts of Africa still hold onto despite the women often being highly educated and intelligent and whom you might suppose would also resent being sold ............ for what we have is a form of slavery, the man buys a wife who is then his property. Now lets not blame Africa, the status of women has changed, similar attitudes existed and may still exist in Western or other countries, until quite recently. I can remember in my lifetime when a woman's income was added to her husbands tax return !

So the practice is out of date and demeaning to the woman and indeed the man who agrees to pay it, this is human trafficking and human rights trumps ethnic beliefs.

The world moves on, mores and customs change and need to adapt to the modern age.

That might be all that is needed to say but lets explore a little further, applying this to 'older second or more times around' couples, is not even logical. Did the late husband get a refund when his wife left him ? If not then a woman could be sold multiple times, in fact on purely commercial grounds it would be a good idea for the Father to encourage separation and then resell the daughter.

So I have objection on several counts, there may well be more

1. Outdated and questionable traditions should not be supported
2. Woman are not chattels they are independent people
3.  Slavery is illegal in all civilised countries
4.  I doubt that the practice was supposed to deal with second or third relationships, people died    young, so people living longer there is not even a discount for time left !
5. How can you possibly put a price on love

I therefore refused to discuss the matter and I refuse to equate a failure to comply, as an insult. We never got to price but I might just ask what the OAP discount is ! After all you don't buy anything with knowing what is the cost. But buying and selling people is just not right.

Comments from readers welcomed and I hope that I have not shone a light under too many stones and insulted or embarrassed anyone, but I do stand with this blog unequivocally.