Musings from America 2 - Stranger in a strange land

Over the next few days, I met a lot of people. First the Wedding Blessing, then the baby Shower and various visitors come to see the people from England.

One thing that struck me was the fact that I was the sole white person, its not often you get the feeling of what its like to be the minority. not that I was not made welcome, though I am not sure whether they came to see Tsisti or find out about this new person, probably both.

What we have here is a mixture of American black people, presumably descendants of the Salve Trade, but these are true Americans and do not have knowledge of Africa or its languages, together with more recent migrants, mainly from Zimbabwe and apparently all related to Tsitsi in some way.

Now I use the term 'related' with caution, as the Zims have a different use of relationships. If your Mother had you and her sister had a child, the children are not thought of as cousins as we, the Anglo Saxon do, but sisters. Throw in the inevitable situations of second wives/husbands and children of failed relationships then the complex interactions and connections are pretty incomprehensible. Most of the people I met were on the generation down stream so Tsitsi is mainly a Mama or a Gogo (Grandmother). The interesting twist is what I was called.........I guess there was some room for different attitudes to my status. Hence I have been called Malcolm, thats simple enough, Mr Malcolm which I think is a sign of respect for an older person, but I have also been Daddy, as the partner of the Mama, though the person saying this was not a direct daughter but as described above. I have also been Uncle which seems a catch all, for those who have some Aunt or Uncle type connection, apparently its means Big Uncle ................OK my head is hurting trying to sort this out, but finally the concept of in laws, father in law, step father etc seem to be totally missing.

This is not a complaint as everyone seemed pleased to see me, well at least I think so, there is always some uncertainty when the Africans start talking in Shona, a totally incomprehensible language, I looked at the grammar and gave up!

Of course the Americans are also excluded, as the Shona speakers switch seamlessly from English to Shona and back again, several times in a sentence, when there is a room full, there is never, I mean never, a pause, someone is always talking and often three or four at once.

The hospitality is tremendous and food is always being offered and the generosity of spirit is uplifting, One lady who is sister, on the loose definition, is lending me her car.........maybe I will eventually catch up, but in essence it does not matter, people are people some nice some not, guess you just live with it. 

There is a saying that the UK and USA are separated by a common language. I find that I am picking up expressions already, interstate not motorway, sidewalk not pavement, gas for petrol, diesel is more rare and most cars are petrol, I am driving this V8 Nissan SVU but the price at the pumps equates to about 40p at litre or liter ! and they complain about the price, they are astonished when I tell them we pay c £7 a gallon, and am astonished that we now accept this as normal. Anyway I digress, some more words, prawns are shrimps, no matter what size and the supermarkets contain things we do not see in the UK, giant bottles of egg whites or indeed whole eggs beaten ready for scrambling, no messy shells !

I am looking forward to more exploration of our differences, such as being able to go through some red lights if no one is there, overtaking on either side and I have yet to try American fast food, clearly I should not, but I need to be able to say I have been in a Taco Bell, Dunking Donuts and Macdonalds rivals like Wendy's.

I have also been buying stuff on line some before we left and delivery here in Tennessee, others since, I have got some good bargains but sometimes they don't like UK cards and if your delivery and billing address do not match, I seem to have overcome this by using Paypal and a preloaded Dollar debit card. I am now ok on amazon.com, maybe to be expected they will sell to anyone, anywhere, but have yet to try ebay. Specialist websites are also mainly OK and there is a huge range of products not available in the UK. Tsitsi prefers the mall and the huge range of physical shops, we went through a place called Madison and I do not exaggerate in saying that every kind of shop spread out in small areas  along the main road stretches for 4 miles, non stop apart from Car Dealerships, Banks, Doctors, Dentusts, vets et al. The USA is the place for shopping without a doubt. The prices are very attractive in general, ordered some boots for my son in law and he has saved £40.

Its only been a few days, but already I feel generally confident, yes I am unfamiliar with the geography but SatNav copes and I can navigate unfamiliar roads whilst driving on the right. The only problem is that there is so much to see that you can be distracted and keeping in the right lane for turns needs concentration.

All for now, but I confidently expect new stuff to emerge from the IPAD onto the blog, thanks for reading....

Musings from America 1 - the journey

Hello and welcome, I need to apologise to any remaining followers of Malcolm's Miscellaneous Musings, for the absence which sort of crept up on me. Don't worry dear reader, I will not try and catch up in a single blog, indeed I determined to start again but reference missing events that explain things as we go along.

One thing was the start of a new relationship, now approaching 24 months, and that sets the scene for the American theme, we went to the USA to visit my partner, Tsitsi's need to go for the birth of her daughter's first baby and hence the first grandchild. I suspect this might be worth a few words in due course. 

For now lets reflect on the planning and making the journey. Now I have become less and less keen on flying and on using airports, and being a big lad and with a bad knee, the thought of 9 hours in the meager space allocated was not attractive. The solution eventually was to go Business Class ....... not cheap when you pay for yourself, but having been on the outward leg Manchester to Atlanta, I will never travel in the cattle class again.

The seats, or rather the pods you get are superb, reclining seats which go all the way flat, the airline Delta, provided pillows and duvet, and you have ...... well a sort of TV but one each and you can select TV, Films, Music etc on a touch screen, saw one film, listened to some new to me music, through supplied headphones which provided high quality sound. The only downside was being interrupted by the cabin staff offering drinks, meals, snacks, hot towels. Excellent meals, high quality food ... I had fillet steak......in all 4 courses, real china and metal knives and forks. Maybe they believe that passengers in the back of the plane, Americans say 'coach', are more likely to hijack the plane if given real cutlery.

Constant supplies of bottled water and after the lunch, we had 'snacks' in the afternoon, three course snacks that is, prawns and salmon, pizza, ice cream if you really want to know.

So plane travel good, ....... airports less so, but we found a way to make that better. Now I have a heart flutter and a arthritic knee, which in combination means standing around in queues and walking through large airports, Atlanta is huge ! difficult. So following advice on the airlines web site, I sought assistance. This involved a wheelchair and pusher first from check in to complimentary business lounge, and then to the Boarding Dock and indeed right to the plane's entrance door, via security checks, I remained in chair, no taking off shoes or belts and fast lane through, highly recommended.

Atlanta was less so, again chair and handler awaiting, miles and I do not exaggerate through this very big facility, via baggage claim, to Customs and Immigration.

USA border police have no sense of humour and it pays to answer clearly and concisely, other passengers were diverted to another room ....... just like on those immigration programs on TV, we cleared after a little delay as the computer froze as he inputted Tsitsi's details. She believes God was watching over her, which was just as well, as her and my suitcases contained a number of items that might be difficult to explain, mainly African ingredients.......think freeze dried caterpillars and grain to make sudsa ..........

Perhaps to make up for our so far good progress, we ended up at arrivals front entrance to find the wheelchair and attendant could go no further and to get to the carhire pick up desks, meant a bus ride, but left us with 6 bags, some pretty big.........one feature of Business Class is allowance of two checked bags up to 32Kg each plus a take on bag each and my dearest made good use of it .........I guess we are away for two months so somewhat necessary .......... but getting that on and off a shuttle bus...."no way" as Americans say. So a taxi ride to somewhere on the extreme edge of the airport.

So picture the scene two old people surrounded by bags in a car park somewhere, no trollies.............leaving Tsitsi guarding the bags I ventured in to collect car, well actually I collected more paperwork and dispensed money produced my licence twice and then walked across a road bridge to the cars. Now I have hired in the UK and also Spain but this system was different. See office, no one in, stand around for a bit, see agent who asks what I want, says she will get the vehicle Jeep Grand Cherokee brought round .........Time passes, she returns and says take any of these pointing to a row of SVUs.

Not wanting to leave my lady with all the bags somewhere for too long, I checked out a few, brands and models with which I am unfamiliar, and choose one that seemed to have room for all the bags. I believe it was a Chevy.....

Now to drive back to where we were dropped, but now two double carriageways away, but only one missed circuit and eventually reunited, Tsitsi sat on bags on the grass, looking like a lost and abandoned soul.

Atlanta traffic notwithstanding, a reasonable journey to Nashville but second half in dark

Though I did not like the Chevy Something, very light and vague steering, seat belt at wrong height and missing the high power, bend round the bends, headlights on my left at home C6............in fact no citroens spotted then nor since.

Arrived at Nashville Navigon satnav US edition proved its worth, straight to the door.

Settled in and to bed, jet lag ok but a long day left nottingham at 6:30 now in Nashville at 22:00 local time ie four o'clock in the morning UK time.

WINTER BLUES ............... COMING EARLY THIS YEAR

Many people suffer when the days draw in, Daylight savings changes back to GMT and the weather, though that’s pretty unpredictable in the UK, turns colder but also cloudy, wet, fog and other light reducing atmospherics and just feels, well not very nice.

Its not yet the end of October but I am already feeling depressed when you open the curtains and see fog, the trees are barer and motivation seems hard to find.

OK I don’t have any proper jobs but I do sometimes need to get up and go out, which can be challenging but actually once you are up and out can seem bearable ............though don’t get me started on traffic jams, road works, people who cannot drive, stop in stupid places, drive with iced or misted up windows etc .................I appreciate they are the same stupid drivers who you get in summertime but the greyness makes them exponentially worse.

Perhaps more challenging is the staying at home with nothing much to do ............. just look I have had to write a blog to get me going !..................of course there are things to do, just that many of them don’t appear to motivate me. Washing, Ironing, Cleaning, emptying the bins, even switching the Robot Hoover on can all seem too difficult. My rationale for some of this, is with my new partner, who is so much better, as women usually are, at that sort of domestic stuff, and whilst not the modern man approach, I can quite easily rationalise that even if I have the time, it might upset her if I do some of the domestic work and I will certainly not do to the expected standard. I have however emptied the dishwasher before blogging so I can feel a sense of achievement that I probably don’t deserve.

One additional feature of living with another after many years of self, is that she works night shifts and there are some times of incompatibility as she sleeps and I am awake but without purpose.......................just thought of another excuse re household engineering, hoovering or other noisy stuff would be inconsiderate. 

The ability to rationalise yourself is quite large I find.

So is there any solution, I hear you ask .............well yes if I was rich, I would be taking my private jet to somewhere warm and sunny and spend a few months or more in my second or maybe even third or fourth home so avoiding winter, but alas I am not.

I can be indulgent and have comfort food and chocolate but I do that anyway .......I could look forward to crisp brighter days with some manageable snow but I dread that as bad knees and ice don’t mix.

I could cheer myself up by buying stuff, always a favourite, I could hope for snow so I can take the Jeep out around town where others struggle. Snow from inside 3 tons of car with four wheel drive, all terrain tyres, climate control and heated seats seems much more attractive.

There’s planning Christmas ............bah humbug (thanks Charlie), though this year promises to be different though unpredictable..........I must start thinking about presents now extended to my extended family in law for whom I have even less of an idea about what they like and dislike, some surfing time on “Christmas presents for new people” in Google seems an idea.

Maybe I need a shopping expedition to France soon (see last years blog), maybe I need a dog or a cat to keep me company .........oh no perhaps not got a woman for that now, but spending money is always attractive, oh yes got a woman to help with that as well......

Ah well no simple answers so maybe just make a sandwich and watch the telly, somewhere in 130 channels, recorded shows and on demand must be something interesting, maybe I will watch something I would not usually, keep “the little grey cells working” thanks Hercule.

Wait I feel a little better, the motivation from sitting down and creating a blog when you had no idea apart from the title seems to have worked, you dear readers may get a few more during the winter months ....................Goodbye from your scribe, for now.................summer is acoming.

THREE THEMES IN SEARCH OF AN AUTHOR

On reflecting on what to say in my next (thats this one) blog, I got distracted and sidelined to the extent that I didn't actually put finger to keyboard......the muse has deserted me, a sober inner voice said ....of course I ignored that and carried on anyway.

Some events that have happened to me ........... maybe I can make a vaguely related blog from them

Sold Sports Car and bought People Carrier
Got a Disabled Parking badge
My Girlfriend has moved in with me

Hmm .......................searching for mental links, DO NOT TOUCH THAT MOUSE, something will appear soon.

OK here goes, I thinks its change, the common factor that is and surprisingly they all do relate to the overall purpose of my blogging, which was to muse on getting older.

I have spoken about getting old and infirm before and the change of car does sort of fit into that. In simple terms I wanted a vehicle I could get in and out of rather easier ............. so lament the glories of the open top, the wind in my hair, the admiring glances of the passer-bys waiting for buses...........but embrace less painful knee bending and actually having room for luggage. And I have a car that has a warranty after Saab had  inconveniently gone bankrupt ............... I think Citroen is safe !

This links rather neatly to life changing consequences of now sharing one's home and life with a woman. I could embarrass her with various tales of me 'coping' with change eg

'where is the salt now?"
"Isn't it very hot in here ?"
"I can't find *********" (insert almost any household item)
"What do you mean you don't like Vampire and Zombie TV programs ! "
" NO I really don't like fish heads or tripe ,thank you darling"

On the upside my schedule or rut as some may prefer to call it, has been diverted, thinking for two again, after five years of sole sufficiency does require relearning. Add in some cross cultural issues, she is originally from Zimbabwe, and life gets interesting, demanding, exciting, frustrating ..... often all at the same time. But its very good having someone to share things with and we are adapting to agree our differences and work within them, but enjoying things like shopping, going out, staying in............. and sharing a cuddle etc in a new big 6ft bed.

The next challenge is Christmas, us two, her son and daughter, my daughter and son in law ...................... deciding what food(s) to have is the first decision, whatever happens it might just give some material for another blog.

That leaves the Disabled Parking Badge, I now have stopped complaining that there are so many at supermarkets etc, and have turned suspicious of others parking near me when I can't see their badge displayed prominently as required. I do really appreciate it, as it cuts down on walking and allows me to still get to places and hobble in. I also enjoy parking on Council Carparks or on street without paying and often without time limit ............. everyone should have that of course, but in the meantime until you get some disability you can just be mildly jealous.

I on the other hand rationalise that now I can get parking, I am saving the money the Council pays for free bus travel, as this has decreased.

No moral really, unless I reflect that when I started this blog, the subjects of today's epistle, would never have appeared on my list of things to write about ........................ here's to more days, weeks, months and hopefully years of change, bring it on, I can cope,

ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

Not that I need an excuse, but I have reached another milestone on the way to old age, or depending on your view of age, further into old age. I thought I would ramble a bit.


I am now 63, well strictly not until 20:30 as that was when I was born, so must really reflect quickly whilst I am still 62.


It is now 5 years since I took early retirement, oh how time flies, 4 years since my wife died and six months since I found a new relationship.


I have been elevated to Chair of the Nottingham Credit Union for the second year, guess no one else wants it. I have set up some forums, one for computing stuff for learners from the RCAN IT Champions Project and one for my off roading club. I recommend electronic communication and media to all young and old but remember that talking face to face still exists..


I have changed my car again ........ farewell Saab Convertible, ...............not much call for open top car this summer, but more so because age and a bad knee means its difficult to get down and up again from a sports car, and two people and luggage for a holiday don't fit.
What now ? I hear you ask ..........well  I have a Citroen C4 Grand Picasso, more mainstream, but enough Gallic charm and idiosyncratic engineering and design to make it desirable and I now have a warranty again unlike Saab which very inconveniently went bankrupt on me.


So partly this means I am acting my age a little more ........though I still have the Jeep for the Green Lanes, but even that is now a slightly more sensible diesel rather than the 4.7 litre V8 !


Still on the motoring front, I have been granted a Blue Badge because I cannot walk far and this does prove to be very useful in getting close to supermarket entrances and being allowed to park free in Nottingham and other City Centres, age and infirmity do have some occasional pleasures.


My ........ well I struggle to describe the new person in my life, girlfriend is OK but I am not sure if a lady can be a girl at 58, lady friend sounds sort of odd and makes me feel old again, which is definitely not the point, we are not as yet at the partner or live in lover stage but who knows............ maybe that's why we have names. 
Whatever she is called.........its a definite change since last birthday.


I already am now counting the days for another two years when I will get some money back from the Government (hopefully) as at 65 I get the Old Age Pension, I think I paid enough in taxes to deserve it, I just want to get to that milestone next. In the meantime I am pleased that various activities have continued and evolved and new doors occasionally open unexpectedly.


So I shall conclude this very unstructured blog with me deciding that I shall continue writing it, I shall try and enjoy whatever pleasures I can get and will try very, very hard not to be bored.


I am sure there is a notable saying or quote to be inserted here, but I cannot be bothered searching for one at the moment.
I will stick with "42".

Ironing Water and other Mysteries

Who knew I needed this, not me for sure, but apparently I do. In case there are others out there whose experience and knowledge is equally limited, it is ...... well its a bottle of water .....which you use to fill up the tank on a steam iron but wait .........its good for the iron and leaves your clothes smelling fresh. Ah how have I managed until now.........

This is but one example that occurs in everyday life when you enter into a relationship with someone new who comes with her own set of learned experiences. In the same way I have introduced her to a washing up liquid called Paic Citron. This I discovered many years ago and as far as I know you only get it in French Supermarkets but I won't buy anything else ........or will I

After my "on my own time" where I made all my own decisions without consultation, it is the perhaps small but unexpected changes that strike me and I confidently expect there are more of these differences to come.

Marriage Guidance and similar experts will tell you that most couples can deal with big things but sometimes little differences are the ones that break the camels back, so to speak. (no camels have been harmed by the writing of this blog)

Other random things I am noticing include, the use of foil in preference to cling film, washing cloth not sponge, and a difference in perception as to what "clean" is, though that may be a more general man vs woman thing.

Now those of a scientific bent, will know about temperature, the arithmetical expression of describing hot, cold, warm etc. So how do you explain "its cold........., no dear its fine" I await better weather, though this being England that may be a wish rather than a certainty, to see if the same perceptions apply as to when the aircon needs to be on. Thank goodness for cars with dual zone climate control

So each week brings new perspectives, which is good, I look forward to TV and musical differences, to soap, shampoo and toothpaste, what pattern is "nice" on duvet covers, and
I await that real test of a new relationship............how do I feel when my kitchen cupboards get rearranged ?

PLUS LE CHANGE .......CE N'EST PAS LE MEME CHOIX

Forgive me for adapted the well (?)  known saying, which effectively says that things change but in essence its still the same ........I beg to disagree and I will illustrate this by way of various things that have affected me in ways I never considered and some which might have significant impact in the future.

As usual I shall return to my serial musings and update any regular readers.

PEOPLE

Following on from the last entry where I related some experiences in the older person dating game............ should anyone be bothered ................I believe I have now found a lady to have a long term, well at our age, long term becomes a variable time horizon, relationship.

Ah very positive, I almost hear you murmuring supportingly, but the sheer extent of the change that this brings and might bring is potentially very significant.

Just a short list will I suggest suffice to illustrate this.

Having to consider another when making plans

Sharpening up my housekeeping

Increased my use of telephone, text communication channels, so I needed to change my plan, after many years of being on one that now no longer suited

Thinking of new things to do rather than the well worn paths that singledom allows

Adapting to someone else’s preferences in food, drink, toiletries, temperature etc etc

Looking forward, there is distinct prospects of even more change .......... living arrangements, holidays, meeting families and friends of the other etc

Please be assured that I am not thrown by this, well not much anyway, but that a settled existence is so quickly transformed to something new and different, means that change is now a reality not an abstract concept.

ECONOMICS ONE

On a wider front and connected with my work with Nottingham Credit Union, I am becoming aware that the economic situation is affecting people deeper and more significantly. The Government plan for Universal credits and in particular what is informally referred to as the ‘bedroom tax’ may affect many people. In essence people on benefits often get a Housing Benefit which essentially pays their rent to the Council, a social or private landlord.

The change is that if you rent a two bedroom flat at £x and live alone, you are likely to see your benefits cut to the level of a single bedroom flat at x minus some yet unknown percentage, but the landlords are unlikely to cut the rent and in some areas there is a very limited supply of one bed properties and hence people will be forced towards sharing accommodation. That is indeed a major change and unlike the previous section is not with a loved one but conceivably a stranger. Nice example of government decisions having large effects downstream.

ECONOMICS TWO

Lastly another economic factor, I refer to the ever increasing price of petrol and diesel. As a two car owner this makes me perhaps a little sensitive to criticism from those going down  the hybrid, electric and super efficient small cars. I would like to embrace such new technologies as readers will know, but .....................maybe not just yet as it would probably mean acquiring another vehicle and that could be a step too far for my conscience and financial viability, being a poor pensioner and with costs associated with item one above to consider.

In conclusion, I reiterate the opening, change happens, things change, better to be in positively than being dragged kicking and screaming in its wake ............. but then I do like to believe I have some modicum of free will and the ability to control some aspects of my destiny, despite other evidence to the contrary....................